who gets invited to the bridal shower?
My Boomer Tips
originally i had the list of all the women that were invited to the wedding only because i didn't want to offend anyone...the list was over well 60 people, and everyone involved said it should just be my close friends and family, with his mom & sister (i had his grandmother too but she will try to come (she lives about 2 hours away) and will buy a gift (she's broke) so he thought it would be best to take her off the list so she wouldn't feel obligated (and she probably won't even notice)
so with only my family, the bridal party, and a few close friends it's about 30 people (still a lot for the few people that are paying for it to handle) i kept telling them to keep it simple and cheap but they are probably doing a bit more than that (my mom is involved & tends to go overboard)
so anyway, while cutting down the list i was freaking out that people on his side would be offended but i looked up the etiquette and he was right - i looked at 4 or 5 sites that said just my side...
so a few minutes ago my fiance got a call from his mom - she lives 9 hours away but got an invite to the shower 'cause she's important even though we know she can't come...i couldn't hear what she was saying but i could tell pretty quickly that someone on their side was upset about not being invited...so now i'm all upset...
turns out the people that were upset saw the invite on her table - meaning they are 9 hours away and couldn't make it either - they were some of the first cut and i didn't even feel that bad about them - i've only met one once and the other twice & again they're in TN we're in NY, it's not a day trip...
so would you have been offended if you were them?
should i have made them invite all of these people i'm not close with and/or barely know?
what would you do in my shoes?
he did tell his mom that these people were being silly, unfortunately his mom & sister won't budge on the idea that all the women are supposed to be invited...odd 'cause his mom is usually a very level headed woman...
I think that ‘mining’ the wedding guest list to create some huge everyone invited mini-reception is not only insane but bad manners, and you are correct to cut the guest list and insist on a simple cookies and punch party instead of promoting something grand beyond your hosts’ usual style of entertaining. A shower is properly hosted by some circle of acquaintance which does not expect to attend the wedding, such as the bride’s softball team or co-workers, or else by a small group of very close friends and family, such as you might have for a holiday dinner. If these people in Tennessee are so anxious to be a part of some sort of pre-wedding celebration, then why in the world don’t they do their social duty and host a bridal luncheon or bridal brunch or bridal tea, or a shower of their own, or whatever for you?
I suggest that you get a copy of Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior so that you have some support when you and your intended work together to find a tactful way to have a small traditional shower while also letting them know that you and your intended will be visiting their area for at least one particular weekend between now and the wedding.
No, only the nearest and dearest are invited. Sometimes relatives you never see don’t even get invited to the wedding. Ask your groom to explain this to his mother. Let him be the bearer of bad tidings.
Even though you knew they couldn’t come, it still would have been nice to invite his family members. My husband’s relatives were invited to my shower, even those who lived a few hours away and couldn’t make it. People like to be thought of.
ignore the complainers and do your thing
No, they’re being silly to get offended. People you’ve only met once or twice should never be invited to a bridal shower. It’s for those nearest and dearest to the bride. In fact, sending invites to virtual strangers is more likely to raise eyebrows, since it can appear greedy.
You did fine and your fiance needs to tell his mom that this is the norm. It’s odd she doesn’t know that herself, but then it’s amazing what mothers-in-law can forget when their son is heading for the altar…LOL.