They way she treats me, is it okay?
My Boomer Tips
My grandmother on my mom's side has always been very hard to get along with, and although I have never outwardly really fought with her, my mother has numerous times. My grandma is controlling, patronizing, abrasive, and sometimes on the verge of verbally abusive. Strangely, as many times as she has gone through the motions of a "loving grandmother", (spoiling me with objects, money etc.) it was very rare that I actually felt loved by her. She always seemed to favor my cousins over me simply because their personality seemed to mirror hers more. She's outspoken, aggressive, and extremely blunt. She always "tells it like it is". I, on the other hand, tend to take after my dad's side. Soft spoken, polite, aloof at times, added to that I am terrified of conflict. I've always been painfully shy and have been called anti-social. I don't relate well with people and don't make friends easily or speak my mind. These qualities have always made me feel like an outcast. "Women in our family our outspoken and STRONG." They'll say this while grinning at me. "You should open up more like we do. Act like we do, open up more." I feel that the more they stress this, the farther I feel from them. They barely feel like family anymore. They're recognizable strangers. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is I feel like I never got anything emotionally fulfilling from them. I got gifts at birthdays, presents at Christmas. I'd give up anything and everything I'd ever got to fit in with them, to change my personality to mesh with theirs, and I *have* tried. Didn't work.
Now I'd give up anything to get their hands off me. My grandmother accuses me of doing drugs often. I don't do drugs, the fucking hilarious thing, and I don't think she realizes this, is that her other oh so beloved granddaughter does. Well who would've fucking thought? Yes I am extremely bitter. I've felt like trash for such a long time. She asked me awhile ago if I was having sex (and taking drugs too, naturally hahahahaha), I lied. I said no. I didn't want her to know, and I hated the fact that she asked. It was none of her business. She found out, I don't know how, but she was pissed. She called me upset, and told me that I should have waited and that giving away my body so loosely was wrong. I don't hold that against her. What I do is the fact that she told me she doubted I knew what I was doing or even knew the person I had sex with. He's my boyfriend, we've been best friends friends for over year, and I have literally told him more than anyone in my life, and he does in return. I have never trusted anyone so deeply and fully, and coming from someone so often alone as I am, and so distrusting, that says a great deal. He is everything to me and the only reason I haven't given up on life completely. She's paying for my cellphone, which she used to make me feel guilty. I plan on telling her to stop paying for it. I don't want it, I don't need it. I am sick of her in my life.
She has forced me into a mental institution with the help of my loving parents three times, and she has called child services on my parents as revenge for a fight her and my mom got into. I feel that enough is enough. She does everything for shock value, she is rude, and I can't stand being related to her, but I can't escape either. I can't stop thinking about how easy it would be to end it and not have to do this anymore, but I can't do that to my boyfriend. I can't take this much longer.
I'm a coward, every time I try to defend myself, I can't talk, I'll just freeze up and choke on my words. Even when I do manage to, it sounds pathetic and wimpy and probably makes things worse for me because It seems like I lack any sort of pride or self-respect.
why do you allow people to get to you? your gran is old and probably demented! dont take it as a personal offence, but pity her by looking upon it as a form of illness..
think of yourself as her carer and look after her when your together.. even if she is sane and just mean, shell hate the way you patronise her
cheers
too be honest with you, im not going to read your whole rant.
my advice is to stand up, let her know your feelings and move on.
she old to so she will probably die soon.
I can see only one solution and that is to get away from your family or they will destroy your self esteem, your relationship and you will begin to think you are crazy. I come from experience. i was the shy one, let family or anyone walk all over me. i have changed a lot with age. I speak my mind. The hard part with my is my health became bad and I had to go on SSD which required some help from mom. She throws it in my face, cuts me down, and yes accuses me of being on drugs, the only drugs I am on is the ones prescribed by my Doctor. I am the black sheep. I became suicidal, then something happened, I got angry and decided that her money was not worth the emotional abuse i had to take. I had a brain aneurysm removed a year ago, I had to show her paperwork I was not lying. That hurt. I have lost all respect for most of my family that lie, abuse and want to make someone Me their scapegoat so they do not have to take a look at their defects which are many. It gets lonely at times. She still helps me out financially for one reason, it would look bad for her to let her physically ill daughter be homeless and what would the neighbors think. She has lots of money and helping me has not changed her lifestyle in any way. I am tired of feeling guilty al the time. I told her either help or don’t yet I am done taking all the lies and abuse from them. She thinks giving me money is love so i understand what you are saying, she could not even stay with me for 3 days after brain surgery (she is 10 minutes away) because it was inconvenient for her. She wanted me to pack up my two cats, two parrots and stay at her house after having my brain opened up 3 days prior. I could barely walk and was still dazed a bit. Money doesn’t buy emotional support, I would rather have a poor family that was loving and stuck together than a mom that gives me a check and says see you of course with a rude comment. I never in my life remember ever getting one compliment from any of my family.Why would you boyfriend be hurt, It is not his family is it? They might be manipulating him to keep control of you and they are using money, so as scary as it is go out on your own and say F ……. their money it is tearing you up. Good Luck My friends are my support group, though it still gets lonely. I have 2 boys which she has tried to turn against me luckily they are starting to see how she really is. I do not understand controlling cruel family like mine or yours yet for your own future family, someone has to break the cycle of the mental abuse and it sounds like you are the chosen one. In many ways it makes you STRONGER then any of them, for that is a hard think to do, I know, so pat yourself on the back for not buying into their sick behavior and having some heart. Good Luck. Run as fast as you can. If it is that hurtful then being aways from them is not going to make a difference for you say you don’t feel any closeness anyway, so make them face the truth and break the bonds until they can treat you with some respect, that may never happen, I have finally faced my family will not ever change so I have to do what I need to to stop crying and feeling bad all the time. You can do it for they pain of being around them will become worse then not having them around. I waited until I was in my 50′s to do something and so wish I would have broken away from their mental abuse years ago. So do it before it is too late.
I read your entire rant and to be honest, it sounds like something out of Catcher in the Rye. I’m not laughing because this is no laughing matter. You wrote this almost as a suicide note. You forget to remember that she is old and getting of age. The fact that you DIDN’T take after her is a good sign because apparently those that did, ended up on drugs and possibly are crackheads. Also, from how you wrote it, its partially your own fault for being in mental institution. Now I don’t like being "that guy" that points you out bluntly, but it has to be done. You allowed the constant words and verbal abuse of your grandmother seep into your mind and torment your emotions thus your partially to blame. Unfortunately I’m not sure how much of your fault this is because I don’t know your age.
You also have the right to partially blame your parents because apparently they didn’t raise you up to stand up for yourself. Its not your fault the way you are, you are influenced by the actions of others around you. But this is getting long and starting to get off topic. We can have an in depth conversation if you’d like what I say or just want someone to talk to one on one. Just e-mail me. And make sure to always stay connected with your boyfriend and those you feel actually care for you. But to end this little rant of mine, she treats you, not necessarily like crap because she does get things for you (your very lucky for that, most kids today don’t even know their grandparents like myself) and she was just trying to teach you life lessons that your parents apparently didn’t. I wish THE very best of luck for your situation and don’t give up hope. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel