My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

My sister and I are a year in half apart (I'm 18 and she's 20) and were best friends up until we turned 9 & 10. That's when my parents started fighting again and we silently took sides ( I wanted them to divorce; she didn't). It drove a small wedge between us and we were constantly criticized by our parents and grandmother for not wanting to be around each other as much. Then when we became teens, we drifted even more due to separate friendships, hobbies, personalities, etc.

We are both intelligent but I did better in academics so I was placed in the gifted program, Beta club, got principal's list, and what not so I began to really shine more educationally. This was, however, the straw that broke the camel's back. My father (more than my mom because she didn't want either of us to feel inferior to the other) praised me for doing well academically and even told me I was the smartest of my three siblings. At first it made me feel good but then extremely bad and guilty and pressured to stay that way. I felt bad he didn't tell my sister that but at the same time, my sister was the one everyone said was the prettiest and the most outgoing and likeable so I felt it was my own compensation for not being the favorite, pretty daughter. I was smart. She was pretty and a cheerleader. We kept our place in our household and excelled in them. And if we did something to try and break free of our "roles", whether they were good (me hanging out with friends or her getting an A) or bad (me getting a C or her hanging out late at night ) my father would swiftly make comment of our changing ways, inevitably putting us back in our place.

Eventually we didn't really talk anymore and if we did, it was five minutes of bickering. I thought she was stuck up, selfish, too talkative and superficial. She thought I was lame, ugly, too shy, a bookworm, and unlikable. We were and are night and day.

I worry that our relationship as sisters will never be ammended especially after a recent conversation between my father, myself, and my sister. He made note of all my previous academic accomplishments and how I've had to struggle more for my goals than her, basically belittling her and her accomplishments. I stuck up for her and praised her accomplishments but she just condescended me in the end like always. I know she does it because she feels bad about herself when my dad talks to her about her life but he's done and does the exact same thing with me by making me feel bad for not having a lot of friends or being pretty like her or being liked by everyone. He even told her he was so proud to have her as a daughter. He's never told me that, just that he was proud of my accomplishments.

My Boomer Tips

I'm 33 and I haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years. She kicked me out of my house when I was 18 because I did not like her new boyfriend. I did not speak to her for 4 years because of that. We reconciled and had a relationship for 4 years after that. During those 4 years my wife and I learned that my mothers boyfriend was abusing her. She left him and had to live with us. While she was living with us she kept going back to him. That situation and her living with us starting becoming a problem for my wife and I. My mother finally asked if she should move out and I said it would be best. Before she was to move out she purposely started a fight calling me names, calling my wife names, accusing my wife of cheating on me. Part of me thinks she started the fight to make it easier for me to make her leave because she knew it was such a hard decision. She left that day and I have spoken to her since 2002. Since then I have bought my first house and have had 2 kids who she hasn't seen. Since my first kid was born almost 3 years ago she has sent presents and gifts for both of them on birthdays and Christmas. She learns about the kids from my brother. She has written two letters to my wife and I explaining people make mistakes and she would do things different but never once admitted she did things wrong or apologized. Last year with the birth of my second child I started having thoughts of reconciling again and asked my brother if she was still seeing the douche who was abusing her. He said she has but they are not dating or anything. That immediately convinced me not to even consider reconciling. I feel all her actions were a result of being with this guy. I feel if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be in this situation, he practically brainwashed her.

One, I don't want to speak to her because if she is still seeing this guy she hasn't changed for the better. Two, I don't want my kids to get to know her and then she pulls something and they get hurt because they can't see their grandmother anymore. Three, I really don't care if I ever talk to her again, being hurt by your own mother twice is enough for me. Recently I have been getting pressure from my brother, my father and his wife, and too a small point my wife (but she backs any decision i make). I'm starting to feel like the bad guy.

So after all I have written here, do I, should I, make contact with her again?

Thank you.

My Boomer Tips

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and this is my third Valentines Day. The first year I rented a hotel room and made her do a scavenger hunt that lead her to the hotel room. She told me it was the best Valentines Day ever. Last year we where going to go to the beach, but her grandmother died, and we could not go. So we had a normal valentines day, I put gifts and roses in her room and went out to dinner. This year I rented a hotel room in the same hotel as the 1st year, but I did the “romantic getaway package” which includes chocolate strawberries and champagne and breakfast for 2. Lately she has been “bored with our relationship. I want it to be more memorable than the 1st year and spice things up. I don't want to repeat anything. What can I do this year?

My Boomer Tips

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and this is my third Valentines Day. The first year I rented a hotel room and made her do a scavenger hunt that lead her to the hotel room. She told me it was the best Valentines Day ever. Last year we where going to go to the beach, but her grandmother died, and we could not go. So we had a normal valentines day, I put gifts and roses in her room and went out to dinner. This year I rented a hotel room in the same hotel as the 1st year, but I did the “romantic getaway package” which includes chocolate strawberries and champagne and breakfast for 2. Lately she has been “bored with our relationship. I want it to be more memorable than the 1st year and spice things up. I don't want to repeat anything. What can I do this year?

My Boomer Tips

My mom came to me today and told me she was thinking of having a child with her boyfriend. She asked my honest opinion on the subject, and so I gave it. She didn't like it.

I'm against it because I'm worried for her. First of all, she is 50 years old. And yes, I know, these days it's more common for women that age to be getting pregnant, but there's also a great risk. Especially for her, because she takes sleeping pills(a whole lot of them, since she is somewhat addicted).

Then, there's the fact that her relationship with her boyfriend is rocky. One minute they're all hugs and kisses, the next they're at each others throats.

Also, she is overweight(I'm not being mean, but it's dangerous for a woman her age to have children, let alone one with her weight).

Finally, my mom and her boyfriend are having serious financial troubles. They both work almost all day, and they can barely make ends meet. I help, but it's still not enough. I told her, if things are like this as it is, how can she expect to have money to take care of a baby? Also, I work all day too, and so there would be no one to take care of the baby, and they have no money to put it in a daycare.

I told all this, as she asked me my honest opinion. And then, she started yelling at me, saying I'm just being childish because I won't be her baby anymore.

And now, she's giving me the silent treatment. She's been like this for almost a week now, and I don't know what I can do.

What can I do to make her understand I'm only looking out for her best interests?

My Boomer Tips

I'm 21 years old and I am gay....I have been talking to an older gentleman online who is 50 years old. We've also talked on the phone (non-sexual conversation). He just sent me a message saying that he will be driving through my area tomorrow AM and wanted to know if I would be willing to get together with him for a drink or lunch. Here's what he said:
hey Gerry,
i'm going to syracuse saturday am, driving through your area to & from, just wondering if you wanted to get together for a drink, lunch, ect.?, let me know, take care, greg
===========================

I have been sitting in from my computer for about half hour trying to respond. I don't want to sound rude because he has somewhat of an idea where I live and stuff like that, so I need to be polite. Below is an e-mail that I have started to write. Can someone please help me edit this so that it sounds better? Basically, he's 50, and I’m 21. He's old enough to be my father. He told me that he wouldn't mind having a serious descreet relationship with me, however I am very uncomfortable with the age difference.
========== Here's my response ==============

Good Evening Greg,

Thanks for your message.

Right now I feel it is important for me to be honest with you about my feelings.

I am a little uncomfortable with our age differences (that's not to say that I don't want to speak to you ever again, because I am not saying that at all).

Honestly, you sound like a very nice guy and I really enjoyed speaking to you over the phone.

It's amazing how much we could talk about over the phone in the the two or three hours that we talked.

I would not, by any means have any objection to speaking with you through phone & email under conditional circumstances.

Best Regards,
- Gerry
===============

In my last paragraph when I said "conditional circumstances", I am not sure what the heck that means in reality, but in my message it is supposed to mean that I don't want to engage into any sexual conversations or physical sexual activity just yet.

After a while of talking I believe that I will be more comfortable and relaxed if I had to meet you in person.
I'm hesitant to say anything. He knows what I drive but I lied about the color of my car after I realized how close he is to me. Just the other day we were in the same town at the exact same time. I found this out later after we got back on the internet. He sounds like a very nice guy. I can tell by his voice he isn't a creep. He even told me if I wanted to keep things over the phone he would be fine with that. I'm hesitant to say anything because he might take it the wrong way. He did admit that he is in to younger guys like myself.

My Boomer Tips

I want to know that becoz now a days our relationship is going through a bad face than how could i say no to sex to him without encouraging him to misbehave to my kids...Please help..

My Boomer Tips

My daughter was just married in a small wedding, immediate family only. Her mother, grandmother, father, step-mother. His mother, step-father, father, sister. One best friend each. They're hosting a larger party in a few weeks.

My brother and his wife are deeply offended, and are boycotting the reception. They say they should have been there as immediate family and that they're not giving her the gift they'd bought.

My brother has never been close to my daughter, never visited her, been to her graduations or parties, never bothered to ask about her, and doesn't even like her new husband.

I explained that they didn't deliberately single them out--his aunt and uncle weren't there, either.

What I want to say, and didn't because I was afraid it would start a feud: "You don't even have a relationship with them. If you hadn't invited them to your wedding, they would have considered that your prerogative, because it was your day, and they would have been happy for you. They didn't omit you to deliberately hurt you, but you're boycotting the party to deliberately hurt them. It will also hurt mom, me, and your own children. It's a childish, bitter, vindictive statement, and Daddy would be disappointed in you. But if you can't just be happy for them, and rejoice in their wedding, whoever was there, then I don't want you anywhere around that day.
They've already requested no gifts. They've been together 10 years, and already have everything they need.