My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

A few weeks ago my stepmom and I were meandering around an area near where we live, and randomly turned down a small side street neither of us had ever explored before where we stumbled upon this little barber shop that had a framed photo of her late father near the window. He was an actor who was fairly well-known in his time, and the barber had requested an autographed head-shot to add to his collection of his celebrity clientele. She seemed to be pleased to see his photo and handwriting, but then later on when we were home became really emotional about it because at the time she was four-and-a-half months pregnant (she miscarried a little over a week ago), and was overcome with sadness that her dad who died when she was in college would never be able to meet her son. Her stepfather was in the hospital then, and that definitely added to the emotional toll, but the picture really did have a visceral effect on her. Since her traumatizing miscarriage, things like a gift that arrived from a friend who wasn't going to be able to make the baby shower, an invitation to her step-niece's first birthday party, and the room that we were in the finishing touches of converting into a nursery all became like salt poured into the wound.

I've lost nine people I loved, and a few others I really cared about in the past few years, and have various reactions when I see mementos of them. With some, like a beautiful picture of my great-grandmother that I found on an old jump drive, it's a sweet, reassuring comfort that they're still with me in a way, and with others, like a snapshot on the same drive of a friend who died when I was fifteen, it's a piercing, breath-stealing pain, and intense feeling of loss. My best friend told me she feels the same way sometimes when she sees photos and videos of her family from when she was younger, and her parents hadn't yet gone through their very acrimonious divorce that was so damaging to them all.

How do you react when you encounter reminders of people you loved and lost either by death, divorce, or something else that separated you from them? And how do you honor their memory without collapsing under the weight of grief?

I apologize for the length of this question. Thank you in advance for your answers.
Zoe ~ he was on a television show for over thirty years and had a star on the Walk of Fame, but I highly doubt anyone our age would have the faintest clue about who he was because he passed away in the 90s and was never a big-name star. He was a lovely, wonderful person, though.

http://s353.photobucket.com/albums/r375/SkylarkMelody/?action=view&current=BH_Barber_Shop.jpg

I really appreciate all of these poignant, thoughtful, and comforting answers.

THANKS EVERYONE! YOU'RE ALL AWESOME. : )
PS: I moved the photo which was of my step-grandfather's autographed headshot at the barber shop into a private album after a few days, so the link no longer works. Apologies!

My Boomer Tips

Many of them seem to be too confrontational or too competitive, as if they have to "prove something" all of the time, or try to "out-do" generation Xers, which causes them to give up or try less than their parents. I'm 36, and I can think of numerous times when I would try to befriend or have a pleasant conversation with baby boomer men, and their replies were often a predictable sarcastic response, such as, "Ha!, you weren't even born back when this happened" (in a less than kind, non-joking tone), and things like "Our music, our cars, etc, were better." Yet, I tend to get along just fine with people born in the Silent Generation, because even though many of them were competitive, they treated each other, including younger people, with a bit more class and dignity.

As a person born in 1975, I have really grown tired of Baby Boomers trying to pick generational fights with their offspring. I despise being told how we are less productive, when it was their generation that exported all of our quality factory jobs, shunned the true classical works of music and art, and became the impetus of the modern-day drug epidemic. Many of them are never satisfied with life as it is, and try to force their will upon the masses rather than letting people and things live and be as they are.

Does anyone else feel this way, too, sometimes?

My Boomer Tips

I've been thinking about what it must be like for other parents to go through. Is it bittersweet or sweet or just bitter for you?

My Boomer Tips

My dad's mother - my grandmother - pass away recently. In her will it states that she wanted her car sold and the profits divided evenly between the grandkids - there are 4 of us. My dad was not a very good son to his mother, so she only left him 0. He never called or visited. She lived in MD, and he lives in TX. If he sent her a b-day gift it was always late and I was always the one who ended up buying it and sending it from the family. Same with cards or any other gifts etc. I called her all the time. Unfortunately she passed before she met my daughter but I was sending her pics and stuff. She and my mother did not get along so my mom never made my other sibling write her or anything.

The issue is she is acutally my step grandmother, but her son, my dad, adopted me.

My mom is trying to convince my dad to buy the car, so he can have his mother's car. I think it's silly because I know my mother's motivation is solely selfish, that's just who she is - and yes, I know this for sure.

She and I were talking the other night and I told her that I felt like with anything that I got from Nanny, I think Nanny would like it best if I put it in a college savings fund or just savings account for my daughter. My mom made the comment that we - as in the grandkids - would not be getting the money and that she and my dad would hold on to it. Well if that's the case... I will never see it - again this is just something I know about my mother. She is one of those types that if she ever gives you a gift, it's not really your gift - she is letting you "borrow" it.

They don't have an attorney for the will and my dad is not even execuitor of the will... his cousin and the one who took care of his mother is.

So if my dad's cousin sells the car to him or whoever, is she obligated to give the grandkids the money directly or can she give it to our parents.

I mean if my parents get it and don't give it to us... well I am not worse off then I am not, and I think that's wrong but the moral issue is not the point.

My Boomer Tips

When SNL aired for the first time in late 1975 my parents were absolutely dumbfounded by it. They couldn't get over the irreverent themes--a sitting president spoofed, drugs, heavy drinking, --they felt the Carol Burnett Show was funnier.
But SNL hit a cord with me, and the kids my age. Also, my teachers, many of them just out of college were enamored by SNL. Every monday kids on the bus and home room went on and on about the SNL program the previous Saturday. At Halloween everyone wanted to be a Killer Bee or a Samaria.
My parents eventually banned SNL from our family TV dismissing it as juvenile and irrelevant.
But for me, SNL was the first show for me and my generation. It heralded in the Disco era and the Baby Boomers generation.

What do you think?

My Boomer Tips

I feel like these people have destroyed many of the gains their parents made to the detriment of their kids. Any problem the 18-25 generation has can be traced to all the BS we were brought up on.

My Boomer Tips

They've created so many problems for this country. They lacked the courage of their parents. Their greed and short sightedness caused this economic crisis. Until baby boomers die, we'll never have a sensible drug policy in our country.

Anyone else ready?
re: Drug policy. The illegality pot for example is insanely stupid. Our nation spends tens of billions of dollars a year arresting, trying and imprisoning individuals for purchasing, using and selling weed. WEED! That drug is far, far less dangerous than alcohol.

My Boomer Tips

This is the best way I can explain this. Most of the baby boomers who were hippies and lived that life only did for a short period. Around the time of having kids they realized the corperate world and stability were actually good things. However, today, I've noticed with adults in their 30's and 40's have their kids and are still rockers as far as music goes and even go as far to listen to what their kids listen to. Also, parents with kids and teens are still getting pierced and tattooed. This is something our parents who were born in the 50's and 60's only did before they settled down and had a family. Why do you think people even with kids today don't fully settle down? Has settling down gained a new definition? My parents musical interest changed somewhat too. I guess what it all boils down to is that people today don't feel the pressure of settling like their parents did as early or to change as drastically, I should say. Also, the 30's and 40's age group still have a lot of the same points of view they had in their early 20's. Could baby boomers raising grand children also have something to do with this?