My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

I just had 2 mourning doves lay a clutch (I think it's called) and the babies are about 19 days old now and have left the nest. The parents still hang around (I know it's to keep an eye on the babies). But the father dove keeps sitting where their old nest used to be. I know it's the father because he has a marking on his body. Is there a reason for this? Do you think he is trying to convince the mother dove to lay her next eggs there again? I hope so!!! Any ideas what is going on? Thanks for all input.

My Boomer Tips

Here we go....

I am so irritated and after searching this online and getting many answers I am still quite confused on whether what I am feeling is how I should feel.

My brother is getting married to a girl who for the past 3 years has spent every holiday including her B-Day's at my mom's house. I am married and obviously always there for every occassion. Her parents live in another state and of her 2 brothers only 1 does she really speak with... we won't explain details here. We have treated her as one of the family, buying gifts and never leaving her out.

This girl, who has spent every special occassion with us, of whom my family has opened their door to, decides to get on my brother's back about demanding a ring after he has been out of work for nearly 2 years and just started working. She sends her requests to my sister about the perfect 2 carat ring she desires - needs to be F color or better, needs to be 2 carats or better and nothing below a VS1 quality. She tells her to have me help him because I already went thru it. I take him no questions asked - spend 4 hours with him at my jeweler which I don't care about the time but then he goes with someone else who screws him and wants me to fiqure out how to help him! My husband goes with him to the other jeweler and at least was able to get the tax back and then he helped him get the jewelers insurance. OK great.

Well the fiancee continues to email my sister about the wedding planning, her ideas, yada, yada.

I get a phone call from my sis that the fiancee wants to speak with me re my band--who I picked, how much we spent, etc.

I call her back - spend an hour on the phone at work, looking at sites with her online, going over bands I had heard..then the news hit like a brick...

Well I am only having 1 bridesmaid - my MOH -- she is my friend, but she really is such a busy person so I don't know what she will be able to help me with....

What audacity!!!! How can she ask my sister and I for all this advice--let me not leave out that 2 days before she called my sister to go to a food tasting at a venue she was considering bc my brother was too busy working!--- and then not ask either one of us to be in the wedding party!?!

My mother approached my brother about this and he said well she wants a small party and what do u want me to tell u- he is such a push over.

He approached me and said well what do you want me to tell u -- I said you know its your wedding too..you could of had us on your side--well he said she only wants 1 person--too much hassle to have more than that--- and then it would be uneven I don;t even know who to pick as best man because I have 2 guys and she wants to keep it small....

Then last week I find out he is calling my mother to find out how much I spent on my gown...he is paying for the fiance's dress...he volunteered and I guess when she showed him a K dress, he flipped. That was after he approached my husband in church to ask how long the aisle in Church was because they are getting a runner like I had...

that was it, I blew my top! Whose business is it how much I spent after she didn't have the decentsy to include either of us in her wedding!?

My mom wants to pay for her shower bc her mom is in another state and won't be here..what crap is that I told my mom..she has sister in laws and the MOH she picked who is responsible for that. If she could not include us - why should we bend over backwards for her!

Am I wrong for being annoyed? I had my future sister in law when I got married out of respect for my husband as well as a cousin who I am not that fond of out of respect for my grandmother and to keep the families close. I am more annoyed since she seems to email my sister for advice on everything - they have even gone out in the past--and she didn't put her in it!

My parents are annoyed about me being disgruntled about the shower scenario.. Am I wrong in any of this?

My Boomer Tips

I’m an eighth grader in Illinois who is graduating in a few weeks. My parents said that they would give me a graduation party, and I need help planning it.
My grandmother lives two doors down from me, and she has a large backyard and pool, both of which I can use for my party. Between my house and my grandmother’s house is my aunt and uncle’s house, which I do not want to use for the party. Some of the party can also be at my house, which has a smaller backyard than my grandmother’s. I need ideas of what to eat, activities, alternatives to a professional DJ, what to wear (casual dress?), something commemorative for guests to sign, small thank you gifts (maybe), something for the other eighth graders to do, and any other suggestions. I don't care how large or small the ideas are, I just need some different ideas to get my party planning started. For the best answer I will give you a good rating, as well as 10 extra points if you can tell me how to transfer them. Thanks!

My Boomer Tips

We were chosen by our birthmother but she and her mother seem to feel that this obligates us to a lifetime of being beholden to them in a number of ways...beyond being grateful and the best parents we can be.

Our birthmother, M, chose us through an adoption agency and we had 3 months to get to know each other pre-birth. She and her boyfriend were 19 year-old college students and opted for adoption because they weren't ready. (At least, that's what they told us.) We met our daughter's birthfather and he was fine with it - ready to move on with his life. It was a semi-open agreement (get to know each other then after the birth a structured letter/picture updates through the agency/email afterward. Though not formalized, we also created an email account for M to email us if she wanted.) The 3 months spent before our daughter was born was so wonderful - I felt like we really got to know her and we loved her, but then in the hospital things got strange. We found out she lied about us/to us and was manipulating us against her parents and the agency all along. She did this for attention, we think, and though she really did love us in her way I think her id seems to rule her behavior. It broke our hearts when we found out she had been playing us off people. The birthmother advocate at the adoption agency says she believes M has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which is very sad, but also makes me worry about her ability to move on and maintain boundaries. My own grandmother has BPD and I know how hurtful and unpredictable she can be.

Over the past 16 months we have become increasingly fearful of M's stability and what this means for her wellbeing as well as that of our family. She is stalking us in some ways - which I can even understand (though not condone), but her mother has also sent several letters browbeating us and asking for gifts for her daughter. We've caught M driving by our house (she found out our address pre-birth and we let it slide), she has tried to friend us in Facebook several times, she has mailed gifts and even left one on our porch for our daughter. She went back to the hospital 9 months later and tried to get a copy of her baby's/our daughter's birth record. Her emails usually request pictures and are newsy updates which is OK, but increasingly they alternate with very angry and rage-sad notes saying her "heart is burning." She never says she wants the baby back or anything like that. She just vents about how she's feeling. Most recently, she met with the agency and told them she is considering suing them and us (us for breach of oral contract - we promised to be there for her and she feels we have not. This holds no water legally, but it's scary all the same. She is also lying about how much we "wined and dined" her. She says 37 times in 3 months and my calendar count is 10 visits, to include 3 agency-structured planning meetings over dinner and a visit to the hospital when she was in preterm labor.) In all, she is grasping at straws to stay in our life, I think. She is fixated on us in what I believe is a very unhealthy way.

In all this, I especially mourn what I had hoped would be a beautiful story of love for our daughter. We went from being in what we thought was very close relationship with M to now being fearful of her, so I feel it's best for us to make a clean break from M and her family and salvage what we can before there's even more bad feelings. If not for our daughter I would try to help M because I do care about her. But our daughter must come first. We have decided to cut ties with M at least until our daughter old enough to understand that she was not stable. (I have no doubt M will seek her out when she's 18.) This is all so cliche and Lifetime movie-ish (yet actually VERY unusual within adoption.) The last thing I want to do is perpetuate the dramatic myths around adoption, so it's difficult to talk about it with people who know us.

Sad, confused, and a little scared (and really grateful to be a Mom.)
I understand that this is a highly charged issue, and apologize for saying "my birthmother." I was shorthanding for my daughter but I can understand your point.
This adoption was initially to be closed after birth at the birthparents' request - I want to make that clear.
Our daughter will always know she's adopted, and we want this to be a point of identity for her. My hope was that one day she could meet M and that it would be a good thing. As such, the "beautiful story" is one I wanted to tell about how much M loves her. Adoption comes of loss for everyone involved - but there is also gain - freedom, parenthood and a stable home in this case.
When at all possible, I don't believe any child should be exposed to unstable or potentially harmful people regardless of who they are. This isn't about sadness or neediness (which is absolutely understandable), it's about keeping a person from from seeking uninvited contact who may pose a danger to our daughter's security right now.
Some of you seem determined to damn us no matter what, but for those looking for information to help write a constructive answer here you go. I'm not necessarily looking for agreement or I wouldn't have asked, but I thank you in advance for thoughtful consideration rather than abusive rants.
I've left out the details, but yes there's reason to fear beyond email/facebook stuff.
BPD was something the counselor mentioned to help us better understand, but it was not a clinical diagnosis. Obviously, I would not be party to that.
(Wishing it upon my daughter because you have a problem with me is not cool, by the way.)
And, though we've tried to be flexible, YES we have tried to be very clear in letting her know when we felt she had not respected our boundaries (obtaining our name and address, coming by our house, etc.)

My Boomer Tips

We were chosen by our birthmother but she and her mother seem to feel that this obligates us to a lifetime of being beholden to them in a number of ways...beyond being grateful and the best parents we can be.

Our birthmother, M, chose us through an adoption agency and we had 3 months to get to know each other pre-birth. She and her boyfriend were 19 year-old college students and opted for adoption because they weren't ready. (At least, that's what they told us.) We met our daughter's birthfather and he was fine with it - ready to move on with his life. It was a semi-open agreement (get to know each other then after the birth a structured letter/picture updates through the agency/email afterward. Though not formalized, we also created an email account for M to email us if she wanted.) The 3 months spent before our daughter was born was so wonderful - I felt like we really got to know her and we loved her, but then in the hospital things got strange. We found out she lied about us/to us and was manipulating us against her parents and the agency all along. She did this for attention, we think, and though she really did love us in her way I think her id seems to rule her behavior. It broke our hearts when we found out she had been playing us off people. The birthmother advocate at the adoption agency says she believes M has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which is very sad, but also makes me worry about her ability to move on and maintain boundaries. My own grandmother has BPD and I know how hurtful and unpredictable she can be.

Over the past 16 months we have become increasingly fearful of M's stability and what this means for her wellbeing as well as that of our family. She is stalking us in some ways - which I can even understand (though not condone), but her mother has also sent several letters browbeating us and asking for gifts for her daughter. We've caught M driving by our house (she found out our address pre-birth and we let it slide), she has tried to friend us in Facebook several times, she has mailed gifts and even left one on our porch for our daughter. She went back to the hospital 9 months later and tried to get a copy of her baby's/our daughter's birth record. Her emails usually request pictures and are newsy updates which is OK, but increasingly they alternate with very angry and rage-sad notes saying her heart is burning. She never says she wants the baby back or anything like that. She just vents about how she's feeling. Most recently, she met with the agency and told them she is considering suing them and us (us for breach of oral contract - we promised to be there for her and she feels we have not. This holds no water legally, but it's scary all the same. She is also lying about how much we wined and dined her. She says 37 times in 3 months and my calendar count is 10 visits, to include 3 agency-structured planning meetings over dinner and a visit to the hospital when she was in preterm labor.) In all, she is grasping at straws to stay in our life, I think. She is fixated on us in what I believe is a very unhealthy way.

In all this, I especially mourn what I had hoped would be a beautiful story of love for our daughter. We went from being in what we thought was very close relationship with M to now being fearful of her, so I feel it's best for us to make a clean break from M and her family and salvage what we can before there's even more bad feelings. If not for our daughter I would try to help M because I do care about her. But our daughter must come first. We have decided to cut ties with M at least until our daughter old enough to understand that she was not stable. (I have no doubt M will seek her out when she's 18.) This is all so cliche and Lifetime movie-ish (yet actually VERY unusual within adoption.) The last thing I want to do is perpetuate the dramatic myths around adoption, so it's difficult to talk about it with people who know us.

Sad, confused, and a little scared (and really grateful to be a Mom.)

My Boomer Tips

Why is it the generation who tried their parents the most are totally out of touch with young people? Seems they have forgotten what being young is about. They are (some, not all) complainers, winers and totally against anything for young people. complain about noise when they had more music noise than anyone, about clothes, about everything they did they doin't want anyone else to experience. that is...FUN

My Boomer Tips

Why is the age range so wide for the "Baby Boom" Generation. According to the range 1945-1964 I am a boomer, and so are my parents. I've always thought of age gaps in 10 year increments, not really 20. Do you think that who ever labels these "generations" sets the time frame arbitratirly? Do you fit your generations' traits?

P.S. Any "cracks" about my being old will be met with an instant blast of electricity to your key board causing your fingers to burn and your screen to burst into flames. (You've been warned! lol).
Thanks for the correction 1344, you're right. My Mom had me when she was 17 years old...I feel like I straddle the Boomer and the GenX (isn't that the next one) generation

My Boomer Tips

We were a DEMOGRAPHIC NIGHTMARE for our parents and schools-
now society wants WORKERS- NOT RETIRED PEOPLE!!!
We owe it to them to die as we clock out, now- should we end it for you-
because OUR PARENTS also hated us- and we know your KIDS WILL too?