My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

Just moved out from the "Nest" at 28...I have been caring for my parents for the last 10 years and I finally jumped ship the other day...I am not feeling apprehension about the situation concerning myself...I know I am ready, I have been ready... but rather I am more concerned with how my mom is taking it all...Both my parents are separated, but they still keep in touch and have a friendly relationship....Our extended family is 3,000 miles across the country and so getting much help from them is not much an option....My mother has had 5 adult children for 7 years now. My younger brother & sister both moved out before I did at ages 23 & 24, as also did my 2 older brothers who both moved out at 18. I lagged behind due to my own medical condition, & countless doctor visits I needed and still need, but I can do for myself now...
Mom has already gone through so much depression & anxiety about other life situations she is going through pushing at age 50. She had a heart attack February 2008, and she is dealing with helping my father who has prostate cancer at age 62. Mom has been to the psychatrist this past year concerning her mental health and that kept me home a little longer doing my teaching job, and while I attended University earning my B.S degree. I am only a few weeks from graduation, and mom is happy about that, but she is still mentally unstable, I am worried that I might be making her mental state worse off than it already is by leaving her in the mental state she is in.

Question: I. What did you all do when you moved out to help your parents to deal with you moving out...II. What age were you when you did move out, and III. How did you parents handle your moving, ie, are they still upset, did they go back to school, vacation more often, move out of state etc...Thanks

My Boomer Tips

have very rigid parents. Their dad is a big time lawyer, there mom is a nurse/stay at home mom. They are the types of parents who think their children need all the best of everything. They buy 0 jeans for their 2 yr old. These girls have EVERYTHING. They even each have their own toy rooms separate from their bedrooms. They do not need toys. I cannot afford 400 dollars for each girl to have an outfit. Yes that is truely what their parents spend. They have this intimidating personalities. Its almost eerie for me to walk into their house. Not that I am poor but I am a nursing student paying my own way through college so money is tight of course. I have thought about books but their grandmother (who I am close to) says there mom is too picky and only allows certain kinds. I am totally at a loss.

Their girls just seem like something out of a primp and proper movie. They are in total control by their parents in every senses of the word.

Someone PLEASE help.
Not to be picky but we moved here when my son was 3 months old. This is our 3rd Christmas with them. Every year we spend about 30-40 dollars on each girl. But last year they gave my son a flashlight that was 6 dollars (I know because I bought one for a stocking stuffer). Just seems a bit off that spend well over 100 on them and my son gets cheaped out. But my son gets lots from us to make up for it. But he is growing to the age where things are said from him and I dont want him to think its ok to be stingy. I am a bit worried he might say something soon. It is very obvious. My mother in law and their grandmother get offended by it and give my son extra gifts to try to make up for it.
I have thought about the donation to someone or some organization in their name but I am not sure. I asked their grandmother (my husband's aunt) what she thought because their mother is her daughter (mind you not the person her parents raised her to be) and she said she would fear that next year they would refuse to have us for Christmas because it is always at their house. That would break my son's heart because he loves to see all my husband's cousins (one is a firefighter who he oozes love for). I guess more than anything I don't want them to make my son feel excluded. I thought about giving them a gift certificate to build-a-bear. Their mom is not hip with stuffed animals - she thinks they make children immature. But I am tempted to buy them in hopes their grandmother will take them and let them be a kid just for a little bit at least, ot keep them at their grandmothers house. She is at least allowed visits with them when their mom is scheduled to work (which is rare).

My Boomer Tips

I really, really want to ask for a cat for my birthday. I've wanted one for several years now, but I've been too scared to ask.

I have two brothers; one is twenty-one, and one is about to be fifteen. Neither one of them is especially responsible. I wouldn't say my dad is irresponsible, but I am usually the one that does the chores and things like that. I am going to be turning sixteen in mid-June. I know I'm kind of young, but I honestly think that I have the maturity level necessary for taking care of a pet. I make straight A's, and never, ever do anything bad, whereas my brothers are the "slacker" type.

I'm the kind of person that wants a sweet, lovable lap cat. My brothers and father like the playful, crazy cats. In the past, we have always gotten two kittens at once because we feel bad that they'd be alone during the day... and we've gotten rid of them almost every single time. We haven't had any cats for a few years now, although we did have a Beagle about eight months ago. She was a puppy, and acted wild around my brothers and dad, but because I disciplined her, she would NEVER act like that around me. She was kind and gentle, but because they played with her, they pretty much let her do whatever she wanted. She was a family dog, not mine.

I think that, if I were to have a cat that would be ONLY mine, I would be able to handle it. Like I said, we've always gotten baby kittens, and we've gotten them in pairs. If I got an older cat, and only one, I feel as though it would be easier, because it would probably already be trained somewhat. I also think that, if I alone owned the cat, it would be better because I wouldn't have to deal with the three of them not disciplining the cat well enough.

My parents are divorced, and we live with both of them, but on separate weeks. So, one week I'll be at my mom's house, and the next, at my dad's. My step-father is allergic to cats, though, so the cat would only be able to stay at my dad's. I do visit my dad's house on my mom's week about twice per week, so I would still be able to clean the litter box and things like that. My older brother lives solely at my father's house, so he would be able to take care of her in a pinch. I do attend school, of course, but the ideal time to get the cat would be during the summer. That way, the cat wouldn't have to be home alone as much...I could kind of ease her into it, rather than having her be alone from the start.

Money probably won't be an issue...the fee for adopting a pet is about the amount he would spend on a birthday gift for me, anyway. I know that I would be a great pet owner, if just given the chance. We do already have a Chihuahua that we've had since I was four or five, but he lives mainly at my grandmother's house. When he doesn't live there, which is only about 5% of the time, he stays at my mother's house with us. I love my dog, but he is getting up there in age and I don't see him nearly often enough. I really just want a pet that I can turn into a best friend, and though I love my Chihuahua, I'm simply not able to do that. It's not that I haven't asked for him back from my grandmother...but she lives alone, and gets extremely lonely without him, and I just feel bad about the whole situation. I don't want another dog, I don't think, and since I haven't had a cat in years, I would like to try and do that.

My question is this: how do I convince my father to allow me to have a pet cat for my birthday? Can you think of any issues I haven't addressed already, or any reasons why you think I shouldn't have a cat? Thanks!

My Boomer Tips

I am now 18 years old and am 2/3 through my senior year. I have good grades in all my classes and have been accepted to my first choice university. Everything is going great academically and socially speaking, but it still doesnt seem to be enough for my parents? I feel like they want me to stay young forever. How can I transitition them into realizing I am growing up?
To be more accurate I'm talking about my mother, my parents are divorced but my mother feels as if it is the END.

My Boomer Tips

Here we go....

I am so irritated and after searching this online and getting many answers I am still quite confused on whether what I am feeling is how I should feel.

My brother is getting married to a girl who for the past 3 years has spent every holiday including her B-Day's at my mom's house. I am married and obviously always there for every occassion. Her parents live in another state and of her 2 brothers only 1 does she really speak with... we won't explain details here. We have treated her as one of the family, buying gifts and never leaving her out.

This girl, who has spent every special occassion with us, of whom my family has opened their door to, decides to get on my brother's back about demanding a ring after he has been out of work for nearly 2 years and just started working. She sends her requests to my sister about the perfect 2 carat ring she desires - needs to be F color or better, needs to be 2 carats or better and nothing below a VS1 quality. She tells her to have me help him because I already went thru it. I take him no questions asked - spend 4 hours with him at my jeweler which I don't care about the time but then he goes with someone else who screws him and wants me to fiqure out how to help him! My husband goes with him to the other jeweler and at least was able to get the tax back and then he helped him get the jewelers insurance. OK great.

Well the fiancee continues to email my sister about the wedding planning, her ideas, yada, yada.

I get a phone call from my sis that the fiancee wants to speak with me re my band--who I picked, how much we spent, etc.

I call her back - spend an hour on the phone at work, looking at sites with her online, going over bands I had heard..then the news hit like a brick...

Well I am only having 1 bridesmaid - my MOH -- she is my friend, but she really is such a busy person so I don't know what she will be able to help me with....

What audacity!!!! How can she ask my sister and I for all this advice--let me not leave out that 2 days before she called my sister to go to a food tasting at a venue she was considering bc my brother was too busy working!--- and then not ask either one of us to be in the wedding party!?!

My mother approached my brother about this and he said well she wants a small party and what do u want me to tell u- he is such a push over.

He approached me and said well what do you want me to tell u -- I said you know its your wedding too..you could of had us on your side--well he said she only wants 1 person--too much hassle to have more than that--- and then it would be uneven I don;t even know who to pick as best man because I have 2 guys and she wants to keep it small....

Then last week I find out he is calling my mother to find out how much I spent on my gown...he is paying for the fiance's dress...he volunteered and I guess when she showed him a K dress, he flipped. That was after he approached my husband in church to ask how long the aisle in Church was because they are getting a runner like I had...

that was it, I blew my top! Whose business is it how much I spent after she didn't have the decentsy to include either of us in her wedding!?

My mom wants to pay for her shower bc her mom is in another state and won't be here..what crap is that I told my mom..she has sister in laws and the MOH she picked who is responsible for that. If she could not include us - why should we bend over backwards for her!

Am I wrong for being annoyed? I had my future sister in law when I got married out of respect for my husband as well as a cousin who I am not that fond of out of respect for my grandmother and to keep the families close. I am more annoyed since she seems to email my sister for advice on everything - they have even gone out in the past--and she didn't put her in it!

My parents are annoyed about me being disgruntled about the shower scenario.. Am I wrong in any of this?

My Boomer Tips

I love him and took care of him more than most Grandmothers do it was 7 days a week 14hrs to 17 + 24 hour , weeks at a time until he was 28 months old he was withh his Nana is what he called me we didactivitiess I boughtevery thingig a day care would have and had the extra love to lavish upon him he was not spoiled just well loved and taken care of. we made his first cards for mothers day fathers day .... of course he tore most of it but it was a teaching to early process,. We would go and spend the weekend witmy onlyl son ( whom had gotten a little jealous )that went away when he saw how much work it was and I made him help me I hade to unload the suv so he would have his comfort we went through his first pull up on items and his first time his craweld his first tooth and then many more things Iwas greatful for yes they cry but Iwas able to comfort him better than I had my own, a grandparents love is different, age, time, mature less stress. Well I started chargeing not much, then my daughter choose not to pay me the first day I got my car, things got heated and she said she nolonger wanted me in her life. ?? Pain has been horrible then she choose to let me have the bby after 3 months overnight and he did not want o go home he and I played and cuddled, my parents had a time with him ( as we all live together) but when I took him home he did not wantout of the car he wanted to hold on to me and not let me go my daughter had already been natsy on the ohone and worse whenI got there I stayed outside and palyed with him a short while longer and then he came to me not wanting his parents crying and his dad took him from me and I ran off so he could not see me leave. I cried like a baby on the way home over the entire ordeal, knowing Iwas his security and love for so long and then Iwas gone it has had to hurt him as it has me. To my dughter I am dead unless it is gift time, show time for the rich n laws, my daughter Graduate from H/S & College not the one I wanted but she went, I raised her the best I could as a divorced mother and a dead beat dad who was not in her life and taught her how to change the oil in her own car if things got bad and she need to depend on herself she has turned into someone I do not know, I rufuse to hurt my grandosn by my selfish needsof love and wanting to see him because it hurts him and we never kow when she is going to pull the no you have to ask my husband trick or No you can not see him, or they treat me like I'm looking for a man everytime one of there male vistors come over?? I have been alone 17 years because I want to I'm not a run around indecent woman, I do not drink ,use drugs and stopped smoking 18 months ago. I just think my grandson is better off not being hurt by this childish behavior that is our of my control. They are hurting him enough and me enough. When you love some one so much you do not want to see them hurt any more and I love him that much .
Is tht so wrong? whenhis dad hit him in the head Iwanted to hit him in the head, and the baby was 16 months old it was with a hat but the baby picked it up and threw it bck at him and I told him he is was a shame he did not hit him back and I told my daughter in front of my son n law, what happened out of the ari he just threw his hat and hit him and they wonder why he has a temper, you hit me and I'm old but you have hell onyour hands. Unles your my grandson, they slap him in the face. Children live what they learn. Hate is a ugly thing to teach achild it hi=old them back in life.
This has not been a easy thing for me to decide it has cause pain and tears and made me sick to mu=y insides. but Ican not keep going through this with them and letting him and i both be hurt. If you are a parent listen to this a child is not a bargin toy they deserve love and not to be used for your own self needs. My daughter told me she has hated me may times and that was a word that was not allowed in my house,
Ihave his picture of him laughing and palying with me and memories of him cucddling and he is not a cuddle baby but the last time I had him hid did.
I di not take my love from him they took him from and only have aske me once to keep him I would Never hurt my grandson is it fair to him to have the love pulled away from his parents ( I never would have done such a thing ) If your daughter tells you you are bad for her and she wants nothing to do with you what can you do I have called I written emailed I tried from the time she was 12 t ofix what issues was shutingher down and I got no where but at this point.
Ihave called the CPS on one person to protect his children and he died 6 months later and we had been close it was my brother I loved him but I was made out to be a monester because of not accepting drugs being used around children, So do not think I'm thinking of myself when you seea baby grab you and not want ot let go, we both gone through hell. I have had no type of life since this happend so it, I love him more thanI love myself and think it would be to painful for him.
I can not bribe them I have spent all I had, I'm on a fixed income, w / a lot of medical bills, & medications, I have tried the therapy she is perfect in her eyes. I admit to my short coming and have done all I can, s
she does not want me in her life. I feel that I should be considered by her . I only wanted better for her and according to her therapist it is better without me. ( all her friends hate their moms) she has never found herself. Call me immature what have you but you have NO idea what this child who is 28 has put me through, she will grow up but it will be to late an she will have to learn how to live with it with out the alcohol killing the fellings and I pitty her because no one else would have gone through what I have with her, I just hope and pray God is as strong in her heart as he is in mine, thank you for your answers I think the support group is the best one, all. this is just one more thing for her to complain to others about.
Anyone who uses a chld and hurts them to gain wil loose in the long run. I just pray the child is sucessful in life. I have not seen that yet.
All grandparents my heart goes out to you and your grandcihildren.
All parents God help and fogive you.
If any chance given to a child it is for a teacher, mentor, someone out here to protect them that can and will without fear. Thank you all. I cannot say who is the best answer.
This had to be to most less selfish thing I have ever done is to think of him before I think of myself.

My Boomer Tips

I just had 2 mourning doves lay a clutch (I think it's called) and the babies are about 19 days old now and have left the nest. The parents still hang around (I know it's to keep an eye on the babies). But the father dove keeps sitting where their old nest used to be. I know it's the father because he has a marking on his body. Is there a reason for this? Do you think he is trying to convince the mother dove to lay her next eggs there again? I hope so!!! Any ideas what is going on? Thanks for all input.

My Boomer Tips

Here we go....

I am so irritated and after searching this online and getting many answers I am still quite confused on whether what I am feeling is how I should feel.

My brother is getting married to a girl who for the past 3 years has spent every holiday including her B-Day's at my mom's house. I am married and obviously always there for every occassion. Her parents live in another state and of her 2 brothers only 1 does she really speak with... we won't explain details here. We have treated her as one of the family, buying gifts and never leaving her out.

This girl, who has spent every special occassion with us, of whom my family has opened their door to, decides to get on my brother's back about demanding a ring after he has been out of work for nearly 2 years and just started working. She sends her requests to my sister about the perfect 2 carat ring she desires - needs to be F color or better, needs to be 2 carats or better and nothing below a VS1 quality. She tells her to have me help him because I already went thru it. I take him no questions asked - spend 4 hours with him at my jeweler which I don't care about the time but then he goes with someone else who screws him and wants me to fiqure out how to help him! My husband goes with him to the other jeweler and at least was able to get the tax back and then he helped him get the jewelers insurance. OK great.

Well the fiancee continues to email my sister about the wedding planning, her ideas, yada, yada.

I get a phone call from my sis that the fiancee wants to speak with me re my band--who I picked, how much we spent, etc.

I call her back - spend an hour on the phone at work, looking at sites with her online, going over bands I had heard..then the news hit like a brick...

Well I am only having 1 bridesmaid - my MOH -- she is my friend, but she really is such a busy person so I don't know what she will be able to help me with....

What audacity!!!! How can she ask my sister and I for all this advice--let me not leave out that 2 days before she called my sister to go to a food tasting at a venue she was considering bc my brother was too busy working!--- and then not ask either one of us to be in the wedding party!?!

My mother approached my brother about this and he said well she wants a small party and what do u want me to tell u- he is such a push over.

He approached me and said well what do you want me to tell u -- I said you know its your wedding too..you could of had us on your side--well he said she only wants 1 person--too much hassle to have more than that--- and then it would be uneven I don;t even know who to pick as best man because I have 2 guys and she wants to keep it small....

Then last week I find out he is calling my mother to find out how much I spent on my gown...he is paying for the fiance's dress...he volunteered and I guess when she showed him a K dress, he flipped. That was after he approached my husband in church to ask how long the aisle in Church was because they are getting a runner like I had...

that was it, I blew my top! Whose business is it how much I spent after she didn't have the decentsy to include either of us in her wedding!?

My mom wants to pay for her shower bc her mom is in another state and won't be here..what crap is that I told my mom..she has sister in laws and the MOH she picked who is responsible for that. If she could not include us - why should we bend over backwards for her!

Am I wrong for being annoyed? I had my future sister in law when I got married out of respect for my husband as well as a cousin who I am not that fond of out of respect for my grandmother and to keep the families close. I am more annoyed since she seems to email my sister for advice on everything - they have even gone out in the past--and she didn't put her in it!

My parents are annoyed about me being disgruntled about the shower scenario.. Am I wrong in any of this?