My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

Here we go....

I am so irritated and after searching this online and getting many answers I am still quite confused on whether what I am feeling is how I should feel.

My brother is getting married to a girl who for the past 3 years has spent every holiday including her B-Day's at my mom's house. I am married and obviously always there for every occassion. Her parents live in another state and of her 2 brothers only 1 does she really speak with... we won't explain details here. We have treated her as one of the family, buying gifts and never leaving her out.

This girl, who has spent every special occassion with us, of whom my family has opened their door to, decides to get on my brother's back about demanding a ring after he has been out of work for nearly 2 years and just started working. She sends her requests to my sister about the perfect 2 carat ring she desires - needs to be F color or better, needs to be 2 carats or better and nothing below a VS1 quality. She tells her to have me help him because I already went thru it. I take him no questions asked - spend 4 hours with him at my jeweler which I don't care about the time but then he goes with someone else who screws him and wants me to fiqure out how to help him! My husband goes with him to the other jeweler and at least was able to get the tax back and then he helped him get the jewelers insurance. OK great.

Well the fiancee continues to email my sister about the wedding planning, her ideas, yada, yada.

I get a phone call from my sis that the fiancee wants to speak with me re my band--who I picked, how much we spent, etc.

I call her back - spend an hour on the phone at work, looking at sites with her online, going over bands I had heard..then the news hit like a brick...

Well I am only having 1 bridesmaid - my MOH -- she is my friend, but she really is such a busy person so I don't know what she will be able to help me with....

What audacity!!!! How can she ask my sister and I for all this advice--let me not leave out that 2 days before she called my sister to go to a food tasting at a venue she was considering bc my brother was too busy working!--- and then not ask either one of us to be in the wedding party!?!

My mother approached my brother about this and he said well she wants a small party and what do u want me to tell u- he is such a push over.

He approached me and said well what do you want me to tell u -- I said you know its your wedding too..you could of had us on your side--well he said she only wants 1 person--too much hassle to have more than that--- and then it would be uneven I don;t even know who to pick as best man because I have 2 guys and she wants to keep it small....

Then last week I find out he is calling my mother to find out how much I spent on my gown...he is paying for the fiance's dress...he volunteered and I guess when she showed him a K dress, he flipped. That was after he approached my husband in church to ask how long the aisle in Church was because they are getting a runner like I had...

that was it, I blew my top! Whose business is it how much I spent after she didn't have the decentsy to include either of us in her wedding!?

My mom wants to pay for her shower bc her mom is in another state and won't be here..what crap is that I told my mom..she has sister in laws and the MOH she picked who is responsible for that. If she could not include us - why should we bend over backwards for her!

Am I wrong for being annoyed? I had my future sister in law when I got married out of respect for my husband as well as a cousin who I am not that fond of out of respect for my grandmother and to keep the families close. I am more annoyed since she seems to email my sister for advice on everything - they have even gone out in the past--and she didn't put her in it!

My parents are annoyed about me being disgruntled about the shower scenario.. Am I wrong in any of this?

My Boomer Tips

My sister started going to church about 2 years ago. Since then she has been saved and baptized and goes to church regularly. The problem i am having is that she has cut our mother, myself and my son out of her life and her kids as well. We believe in god and follow his beliefs and thank him every day for the gifts and blessing he has given to us. We just dont go to church on a regular basis and talk about God all the time. There has been no communication between us in months, just the other day my sister calls our mother. She tell my mom if we want to see her 2 kids for there birthday and Christmas we must meet her in town for dinner and that we cant go the the birthday party or the Christmas party either. My Mom asked if she would come over or meet somewhere so we can discuss what is going on and get back to being a family. My sister replied no, my mom asked why and my sister went off on her. Saying she talks about people behind their backs, she lies, and she dont wont the her kids around to see that. I personally know my mom very well and she is the one is not the most respectful, honest and helping person i have ever met. I know we didnt have the best childhood growing up but who does. I know deep down that my mom has done everything in her power to give us what we needed and kept us as happy as she could in all points in our lives. What i dont understand is how she can call my mother up and yell at her and talk about people behind their back to her mother, lie to her about why she is really mad at her, and when she is keeping her kids away from their grandmother and aunt for unknown reason. She cusses my mother of doing what she did in a 30 minutes conversation. What i am needing answers for is how to fix this so we can be a family again. I so miss those kids along with my son as well. I have seen my mother heart broken over all this and i wont this to come to an end soon. So what should we do, should we meet her in town or what. Please please help. thank you and God Bless
I thought about contacting the Pastor at Church. He knows us from going a few times to church when my sister got baptized and also saved. we also went when My sister oldest(9) got baptized. I was hoping we didnt have to go down that path, but it looks like we might have to. Also to mention she has deleted both my mother and i from Facebook and also has blocked us from evening looking her up. I know her actions are not what God would want. I Just dont know if the pastor that has somewhat lead her here can help.
Thank you for the wonderful advice and the prayers. they are truly needed and i am continuing to pray for my sister and her family. Again Thank you

My Boomer Tips

Here we go....

I am so irritated and after searching this online and getting many answers I am still quite confused on whether what I am feeling is how I should feel.

My brother is getting married to a girl who for the past 3 years has spent every holiday including her B-Day's at my mom's house. I am married and obviously always there for every occassion. Her parents live in another state and of her 2 brothers only 1 does she really speak with... we won't explain details here. We have treated her as one of the family, buying gifts and never leaving her out.

This girl, who has spent every special occassion with us, of whom my family has opened their door to, decides to get on my brother's back about demanding a ring after he has been out of work for nearly 2 years and just started working. She sends her requests to my sister about the perfect 2 carat ring she desires - needs to be F color or better, needs to be 2 carats or better and nothing below a VS1 quality. She tells her to have me help him because I already went thru it. I take him no questions asked - spend 4 hours with him at my jeweler which I don't care about the time but then he goes with someone else who screws him and wants me to fiqure out how to help him! My husband goes with him to the other jeweler and at least was able to get the tax back and then he helped him get the jewelers insurance. OK great.

Well the fiancee continues to email my sister about the wedding planning, her ideas, yada, yada.

I get a phone call from my sis that the fiancee wants to speak with me re my band--who I picked, how much we spent, etc.

I call her back - spend an hour on the phone at work, looking at sites with her online, going over bands I had heard..then the news hit like a brick...

Well I am only having 1 bridesmaid - my MOH -- she is my friend, but she really is such a busy person so I don't know what she will be able to help me with....

What audacity!!!! How can she ask my sister and I for all this advice--let me not leave out that 2 days before she called my sister to go to a food tasting at a venue she was considering bc my brother was too busy working!--- and then not ask either one of us to be in the wedding party!?!

My mother approached my brother about this and he said well she wants a small party and what do u want me to tell u- he is such a push over.

He approached me and said well what do you want me to tell u -- I said you know its your wedding too..you could of had us on your side--well he said she only wants 1 person--too much hassle to have more than that--- and then it would be uneven I don;t even know who to pick as best man because I have 2 guys and she wants to keep it small....

Then last week I find out he is calling my mother to find out how much I spent on my gown...he is paying for the fiance's dress...he volunteered and I guess when she showed him a K dress, he flipped. That was after he approached my husband in church to ask how long the aisle in Church was because they are getting a runner like I had...

that was it, I blew my top! Whose business is it how much I spent after she didn't have the decentsy to include either of us in her wedding!?

My mom wants to pay for her shower bc her mom is in another state and won't be here..what crap is that I told my mom..she has sister in laws and the MOH she picked who is responsible for that. If she could not include us - why should we bend over backwards for her!

Am I wrong for being annoyed? I had my future sister in law when I got married out of respect for my husband as well as a cousin who I am not that fond of out of respect for my grandmother and to keep the families close. I am more annoyed since she seems to email my sister for advice on everything - they have even gone out in the past--and she didn't put her in it!

My parents are annoyed about me being disgruntled about the shower scenario.. Am I wrong in any of this?

My Boomer Tips

I'm 24, studying third year university, and have had challenges in starting a career. I realise that it's mostly not because of my professional competence, but because of minor (but fatal) character flaws and emotional baggage.

I've always believed that I was made for something big, because I've been gifted with many talents, visionary intelligence, and a knack for assuming leadership responsibilities. However, most of the people I meet don't like me because they think I'm insensitive and disrespectful, no matter how hard I try to be kind and caring as best as I know how. As a result, I'm more often ashamed of my past than proud, although people have told me that I've lived a good life.

I also have issues with authority; no matter how hard I try to be loyal and respectful, I tend to get disappointed with the authority above me, complain about them, and find it hard to follow their lead. I'd mind my own business and have a good time joyfully doing what I do, and suddenly my authority storms in pointing the finger and screaming accusations that I've been impertinent, and I don't even see what I've been doing wrong... but I do get hurt that they treat me that way.

Same story at home. I still live with my parents, and every year my mom gets worse. I don't want to be mean, but I honestly think my mom is a loser. All she does is bickers and poison people with guilt trips, and she calls people selfish just because they don't put her first. She complains about money, and yet she's never worked for a single penny all her life, all she does is sit on her arse and consume. She flaunts the luxury shopping she's just done and complains about me spending my dad's money on short courses or equipment and accessories I need for my freelance work. When I work late at night, she storms by and tries to pinch or smack me telling me that I'm a bad daughter for not heeding to her demand that I go to bed--but she's never had a career and doesn't understand deadlines or fine proofing. She thinks she's the smartest person on earth but she's really an ignorant idiot who thinks the world revolves around her, and is out of touch with reality. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. I work hard to pursue my goals, and then she mocks me telling me that I don't have to impress her because she "loves me just the way I am"; implying that anything I do is just plain SHlT from the start so why even bother. A very hard mother to respect indeed.

Don't get me wrong, my mother is a very loving person, and I love her with all my heart. I'd like to think that I respect her as a person, and I'm doing the best I know how. However, I cannot really tolerate her attitude and actions, nor can I trust anything she tells me.

My mother also has issues with authority; she is disrespectful and critical toward my dad, her parents, and other authorities above her. So I never really got to learn what real respect is supposed to look like. She despises her 82-year-old mother who has Alzheimers, and accuses her of all the emotional baggage she failed to deal with when her memory was still good. And yet, my mother is becoming more and more like my grandmother every day.

If one becomes like the people he/she allows to impact his/her life, then theoretically, in order to become a person you want to become, you should surround yourself with people who are already like that. I've tried that--I ran away from home for 3 yrs to a far away country abroad, building close working relationships with people I admire. But those people didn't turn out to be who I thought they were; I keep getting attracted to people who are like my mother, and the ones who aren't are somehow always out of reach. And they take advantage of me.

And scarily enough, at age 24 I find that I'm hardly becoming the person I want to be, but becoming more and more like my mom. Of course, I don't want this to continue, especially that I've been blessed with a wonderful fiance who loves me the way I am. Although my parents are still together and love each other, I'd hate to do to my future spouse what my mom did to my dad. We should know better, and I want to keep our relationship healthy for the long run.

Is there hope for me to change? Where should I start? How can I become a likeable person who is caring, respectful, considerate, and always get worthy things done... instead of this pathetic selfish loser who's constantly complaining about what the world didn't do good enough for her?

My Boomer Tips

My grandmother on my mom's side has always been very hard to get along with, and although I have never outwardly really fought with her, my mother has numerous times. My grandma is controlling, patronizing, abrasive, and sometimes on the verge of verbally abusive. Strangely, as many times as she has gone through the motions of a "loving grandmother", (spoiling me with objects, money etc.) it was very rare that I actually felt loved by her. She always seemed to favor my cousins over me simply because their personality seemed to mirror hers more. She's outspoken, aggressive, and extremely blunt. She always "tells it like it is". I, on the other hand, tend to take after my dad's side. Soft spoken, polite, aloof at times, added to that I am terrified of conflict. I've always been painfully shy and have been called anti-social. I don't relate well with people and don't make friends easily or speak my mind. These qualities have always made me feel like an outcast. "Women in our family our outspoken and STRONG." They'll say this while grinning at me. "You should open up more like we do. Act like we do, open up more." I feel that the more they stress this, the farther I feel from them. They barely feel like family anymore. They're recognizable strangers. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is I feel like I never got anything emotionally fulfilling from them. I got gifts at birthdays, presents at Christmas. I'd give up anything and everything I'd ever got to fit in with them, to change my personality to mesh with theirs, and I *have* tried. Didn't work.
Now I'd give up anything to get their hands off me. My grandmother accuses me of doing drugs often. I don't do drugs, the fucking hilarious thing, and I don't think she realizes this, is that her other oh so beloved granddaughter does. Well who would've fucking thought? Yes I am extremely bitter. I've felt like trash for such a long time. She asked me awhile ago if I was having sex (and taking drugs too, naturally hahahahaha), I lied. I said no. I didn't want her to know, and I hated the fact that she asked. It was none of her business. She found out, I don't know how, but she was pissed. She called me upset, and told me that I should have waited and that giving away my body so loosely was wrong. I don't hold that against her. What I do is the fact that she told me she doubted I knew what I was doing or even knew the person I had sex with. He's my boyfriend, we've been best friends friends for over year, and I have literally told him more than anyone in my life, and he does in return. I have never trusted anyone so deeply and fully, and coming from someone so often alone as I am, and so distrusting, that says a great deal. He is everything to me and the only reason I haven't given up on life completely. She's paying for my cellphone, which she used to make me feel guilty. I plan on telling her to stop paying for it. I don't want it, I don't need it. I am sick of her in my life.
She has forced me into a mental institution with the help of my loving parents three times, and she has called child services on my parents as revenge for a fight her and my mom got into. I feel that enough is enough. She does everything for shock value, she is rude, and I can't stand being related to her, but I can't escape either. I can't stop thinking about how easy it would be to end it and not have to do this anymore, but I can't do that to my boyfriend. I can't take this much longer.
I'm a coward, every time I try to defend myself, I can't talk, I'll just freeze up and choke on my words. Even when I do manage to, it sounds pathetic and wimpy and probably makes things worse for me because It seems like I lack any sort of pride or self-respect.

My Boomer Tips

can anyone tell me how many people in the United States, from the average person to the people who are training or are already doctors, who don't know that drugs kill and herbs heal? That 60 years ago when doctors used to make house calls and your Mom couldn't do anything for you, the doctor proscribed a packet made up to make a tea to heal you or a poultice made of herbs to heal your measles or chicken pox? That drugs were originally a derivitive of herbs and not just chemicals put together that do more damage than the diseases themselves? Just wondering?
Yes, pepper nature did give us birth control methods and ancient peoples the world over have been using them for thousands of years.
Also, colds and flu are a virus and they are and have been healed for thousands of years by the ancients too. It is only so-called 'modern' doctors who tell you that something can't be true because they have never done it. If you are too young to understand that and have never studied history, that is why you are still biased against natural healing, in my opinion.

My Boomer Tips

My grandmother died 6 years ago on Feb. 19th it affected everyone in our family. It was very hard on me because we were best friends. When we were younger my mother would buy us gifts on the anniversary so we would have something to be happy about and also because our grandma spoiled us rotten when my mom said we couldn't get something my grandma would slip it into the cart and then we all acted like angels. Anyway i thought that buying something wouldn't really make me happy I want to do something special but I don't know what. I don't think we can visit where she was born because she was born in bakersfield california and we live in washington.

My Boomer Tips

My Mom is a baby boomer and all of the sudden she is demanding money to pay for her health insurance. She has to have open heart surgery because apparently all that fast food eating and lack of exercising eventually caught up with her. I'm paying the price because she chooses to eat KFC/chinese/mcdonalds/etc everyday.