My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

Here is the background: My husbands sister has NEVER liked me, for whatever stupid reasons she may have. The ONLY time I have to be subjected to her brand of nastiness, is when we travel to Ohio to see my mother in law and the rest of my husbands extended family. My mother in law, and the rest of the extended family are really nice people, but even they don't like how my husbands sister treats me.

We've received a wedding invitation from my husbands sister inviting us to her wedding. The wedding is taking place the weekend before my children are out of school for spring break. My husband is going to be on deployment by then, and I already have plans to go see my mom in Arizona. If you all know anything about AZ, the best time to visit is November to early April. I haven't seen my mom since February of 2007, but I've seen my in-laws about 5 times in the last couple of years. I've seen my mama ONCE in the last 4 years. My mom can't fly because of two major reasons: 1: She has a medical condition preventing it and 2: She takes care of my 80 year old grandmother-who doesn't cook. So those are valid reasons for not coming here.

I don't want to go to that wedding, and I don't want to expose my children to their verbally abusive aunt. She isn't verbally abusive to them, but she has been verbally abusive to me in front of my children. I'm not willing to budge on this one. I'm NOT going to do it without my husband being present. This how much I really dislike his sister. I would rather go to AZ where i know that I'm not going to be someones verbal punching bag.

This was my response to the wedding invitation:

Dear *******,
We received your wedding invitation today. ***** and I want to extend our congratulations to you and *****. Unfortunately because of the timing, I will be unable to attend your wedding with our children. Please accept my sincerest regrets. We promise to send you a gift as the time gets closer.

Sincerely,
******.

If this isn't a proper response, please give me a better one.
My family means a lot to me, and my husbands sister isn't included in that group. Yes I care about her well being, and I wish her to be safe. However, in this situation, seeing my family is more important.

My Boomer Tips

My friend is moving away. She was quiet until lunch and until 4th period (P.E.) she told me that she was moving. Then she broke down crying. She says she doesn't want to go but her mom has to move 'cause of her job. Well, me and my friends were thinking to make her happy on the last days, and to give her a present, so she wouldn't miss us as much. So we decided to get a gift and write all of our names on it with our favorite Perfume, and each bring one of her favorite foods on Crazy Friday(My school hosts a school party every friday with music and games). Then we are going to present everything to her on friday.

We are gonna bring Taki' (a type of mexican/spanish potato chips), some chocolate chip muffins, spaghetti, and of course, cookies! We will be sitting under a umbrella, on a blanket, in the grass, listening to music and watching people play games and dance. We will give her gifts and things like that. But my teddy bear I was gonna give to her is ruined, because my grandmother gave it to my dogs and they destroyed it. But luckily I have 3 more, but I have no idea which to give. There is a green/blue bird(its a webkinz), a giraffe, and a donald duck teddy, which one is the best you think? Do you that it is too much, and make her miss us even more? What do you think?

~Please and Thank You~

My Boomer Tips

Just moved out from the "Nest" at 28...I have been caring for my parents for the last 10 years and I finally jumped ship the other day...I am not feeling apprehension about the situation concerning myself...I know I am ready, I have been ready... but rather I am more concerned with how my mom is taking it all...Both my parents are separated, but they still keep in touch and have a friendly relationship....Our extended family is 3,000 miles across the country and so getting much help from them is not much an option....My mother has had 5 adult children for 7 years now. My younger brother & sister both moved out before I did at ages 23 & 24, as also did my 2 older brothers who both moved out at 18. I lagged behind due to my own medical condition, & countless doctor visits I needed and still need, but I can do for myself now...
Mom has already gone through so much depression & anxiety about other life situations she is going through pushing at age 50. She had a heart attack February 2008, and she is dealing with helping my father who has prostate cancer at age 62. Mom has been to the psychatrist this past year concerning her mental health and that kept me home a little longer doing my teaching job, and while I attended University earning my B.S degree. I am only a few weeks from graduation, and mom is happy about that, but she is still mentally unstable, I am worried that I might be making her mental state worse off than it already is by leaving her in the mental state she is in.

Question: I. What did you all do when you moved out to help your parents to deal with you moving out...II. What age were you when you did move out, and III. How did you parents handle your moving, ie, are they still upset, did they go back to school, vacation more often, move out of state etc...Thanks

My Boomer Tips

I have two grown sons 25 and 19. My oldest moved out about 18months ago and my youngest joined the navy a few months later( he is stationed in japan ). No more noise, no more loud music,no girls calling, no more getting up on the week-ends to a bunch of boys sleeping all over the house, not even a "MOM WHERES MY KEYS TO MY TRUCK!!! WHATS TO EAT!!!!'
Well I miss all of that and more. I love my husband with all my heart and soul we should be having the time of our lives. Missing my sons as much asI do is causing trouble In my marriage ,my job, just about in everything i do. Is there help?

My Boomer Tips

My sister and I are a year in half apart (I'm 18 and she's 20) and were best friends up until we turned 9 & 10. That's when my parents started fighting again and we silently took sides ( I wanted them to divorce; she didn't). It drove a small wedge between us and we were constantly criticized by our parents and grandmother for not wanting to be around each other as much. Then when we became teens, we drifted even more due to separate friendships, hobbies, personalities, etc.

We are both intelligent but I did better in academics so I was placed in the gifted program, Beta club, got principal's list, and what not so I began to really shine more educationally. This was, however, the straw that broke the camel's back. My father (more than my mom because she didn't want either of us to feel inferior to the other) praised me for doing well academically and even told me I was the smartest of my three siblings. At first it made me feel good but then extremely bad and guilty and pressured to stay that way. I felt bad he didn't tell my sister that but at the same time, my sister was the one everyone said was the prettiest and the most outgoing and likeable so I felt it was my own compensation for not being the favorite, pretty daughter. I was smart. She was pretty and a cheerleader. We kept our place in our household and excelled in them. And if we did something to try and break free of our "roles", whether they were good (me hanging out with friends or her getting an A) or bad (me getting a C or her hanging out late at night ) my father would swiftly make comment of our changing ways, inevitably putting us back in our place.

Eventually we didn't really talk anymore and if we did, it was five minutes of bickering. I thought she was stuck up, selfish, too talkative and superficial. She thought I was lame, ugly, too shy, a bookworm, and unlikable. We were and are night and day.

I worry that our relationship as sisters will never be ammended especially after a recent conversation between my father, myself, and my sister. He made note of all my previous academic accomplishments and how I've had to struggle more for my goals than her, basically belittling her and her accomplishments. I stuck up for her and praised her accomplishments but she just condescended me in the end like always. I know she does it because she feels bad about herself when my dad talks to her about her life but he's done and does the exact same thing with me by making me feel bad for not having a lot of friends or being pretty like her or being liked by everyone. He even told her he was so proud to have her as a daughter. He's never told me that, just that he was proud of my accomplishments.

My Boomer Tips

my baby 18 has left w/her 27 y.o. beau,to begin life 2gether custody battle w/his ex,my daughter out of my home 1srt time leaving 4 close siblings behind,and a distraut mom not ready 2 let go...Will this
last?

My Boomer Tips

I have always wondered why my fiance acts the way he does and why he does the things that he does. We have been together for 5 years and lived together up until about 9 months ago. Then I moved out and I told him I was NOT moving back in until he marrys me. Well, just recently something compelled me to look up the behavior of a sociopath. I realized that my fiance has the same behavior and symptoms that fit that of a sociopath. I just recently found out he's been cheating on me off and on the entire time we have been together. ATLEAST 4 times that I know about for sure. He lies constantly. He lies to his mom. He is always secretive, insecure, finds ways directly and indirectly to put me, my friends and my family down. He lashes out and is quick to forgive like nothing ever happens. He is never willing to try anything new. He always wants to stay at home very rarely wants to go anywhere. When he is at fault he will NEVER admit to it. When he is caught in a lie and he knows it he gets mad and says he didn't do anything. OR he wants you to show him proof that he is doing something wrong before he will admit to doing anything wrong. He only says I love you when he wants to. IF he gets angry or upset about something he just stops saying I love you all together. He acts like nothing ever bothers him. I went through a miscarriage back in September and he didn't appear upset at all. He claimed he was upset that I lost our child BUT he never showed it. He makes empty promises constantly and never follows through. Over the years he would buy me gifts, tell me he loves me and send me e-cards online. BUT, I had a feeling after a while that it was out of a sense of guilt. BUT, supposedly sociopaths do NOT have any feelings of any kind. He said he wants to get married and have children with me. BUT, it never happened. He was married once before BUT it didnt last. He claims his ex wife cheated on him BUT she says that he was the one cheating. He has a history of hitting on other women and cheating in past relationships. He NEVER shows any remorse. He is loving when he wants to be. BUT, he can be very cold at times, unfeeling and uncaring. He will lie and cheat and be totally dishonest it's like it's a way of life for him. When he gets caught he gets angry and denies it and says its everyone elses fault he is the way he is. He was brought up by his grandparents even though his parents lived 5 minutes away. He claims he was brought up by his grandparents from age 7 till about 22 because his grandparents lived closer to the school he attended which was also close by. BUT his parents had to work all day so his grandparents preferred he lived with them. His grandmother put him down as a child told him he was fat and she hated his dark hair and kept trying to dye it blond. When he reached puberty and started getting a hairy body she hated that about him. His grandparents taught him the best way to deal with his mom was to lie to her. Now he lies to everyone he meets including family members and friends! How can I be sure he's a sociopath? I confronted him with the fact that he could be and that he needs help. Now he's just refusing to talk to me and decided that we should just be friends because he says there is nothing wrong with him. So, how can I be sure he is in fact a sociopath? I know sociopaths cannot change. BUT, if he is NOT a sociopath perhaps something can be done to help him and make changes. I feel bad for him. I am one of those people who feels sorry for people and wants to help them. Which is sometimes NOT a good way to be unfortunately. So, is he OR is he not a sociopath?

My Boomer Tips

I really, really want to ask for a cat for my birthday. I've wanted one for several years now, but I've been too scared to ask.

I have two brothers; one is twenty-one, and one is about to be fifteen. Neither one of them is especially responsible. I wouldn't say my dad is irresponsible, but I am usually the one that does the chores and things like that. I am going to be turning sixteen in mid-June. I know I'm kind of young, but I honestly think that I have the maturity level necessary for taking care of a pet. I make straight A's, and never, ever do anything bad, whereas my brothers are the "slacker" type.

I'm the kind of person that wants a sweet, lovable lap cat. My brothers and father like the playful, crazy cats. In the past, we have always gotten two kittens at once because we feel bad that they'd be alone during the day... and we've gotten rid of them almost every single time. We haven't had any cats for a few years now, although we did have a Beagle about eight months ago. She was a puppy, and acted wild around my brothers and dad, but because I disciplined her, she would NEVER act like that around me. She was kind and gentle, but because they played with her, they pretty much let her do whatever she wanted. She was a family dog, not mine.

I think that, if I were to have a cat that would be ONLY mine, I would be able to handle it. Like I said, we've always gotten baby kittens, and we've gotten them in pairs. If I got an older cat, and only one, I feel as though it would be easier, because it would probably already be trained somewhat. I also think that, if I alone owned the cat, it would be better because I wouldn't have to deal with the three of them not disciplining the cat well enough.

My parents are divorced, and we live with both of them, but on separate weeks. So, one week I'll be at my mom's house, and the next, at my dad's. My step-father is allergic to cats, though, so the cat would only be able to stay at my dad's. I do visit my dad's house on my mom's week about twice per week, so I would still be able to clean the litter box and things like that. My older brother lives solely at my father's house, so he would be able to take care of her in a pinch. I do attend school, of course, but the ideal time to get the cat would be during the summer. That way, the cat wouldn't have to be home alone as much...I could kind of ease her into it, rather than having her be alone from the start.

Money probably won't be an issue...the fee for adopting a pet is about the amount he would spend on a birthday gift for me, anyway. I know that I would be a great pet owner, if just given the chance. We do already have a Chihuahua that we've had since I was four or five, but he lives mainly at my grandmother's house. When he doesn't live there, which is only about 5% of the time, he stays at my mother's house with us. I love my dog, but he is getting up there in age and I don't see him nearly often enough. I really just want a pet that I can turn into a best friend, and though I love my Chihuahua, I'm simply not able to do that. It's not that I haven't asked for him back from my grandmother...but she lives alone, and gets extremely lonely without him, and I just feel bad about the whole situation. I don't want another dog, I don't think, and since I haven't had a cat in years, I would like to try and do that.

My question is this: how do I convince my father to allow me to have a pet cat for my birthday? Can you think of any issues I haven't addressed already, or any reasons why you think I shouldn't have a cat? Thanks!