My Boomer Tips
(I didn't make this up. I forget who did. I just remember my dad telling it to me as a little boy.)
Once upon a place, there was a forest. Walking through that forest was a young man. He hiked up and down the trail, and eventually reached a stream. He kneeled down and filled his waterskin, and heard a faint sound. It was almost like a sob. He followed it to the bush it was coming from and saw a fairy stuck in the branches. It called to him in a squeaky voice, and said, "Young man, if you will free me, then I will let you choose a boon from my basket!"
The young man untangled the little fairy, which picked its fallen basket off the ground and said, "Thank you for freeing me, good sir. You may have one boon. You may pick it from your basket yourself, or you may allow me to choose for you." The young man eagerly looked in and saw three coins. One had "fame" written on it, one had "wealth," and one had "death." He reached in and selected the coin engraved with the word fame. The fairy promised him that he would receive his boon and flew off.
The young man finished his hike and walked back to his house. The next morning, everyone seemed to know his name. Men were eager to be his friend, and women were asking him out left and right. He realized that it was the fairy's magic, and that this new life was his reward. He had many happy years enjoying the people's new-found love for him. He eventually picked the most attractive girl he saw and started a family. More years passed. The attentions of other women and his overactive social life was a strain on his marriage - and his friendships - but they hold together. Yet more years pass. His marriage is falling apart. His friends are growing tired of competing for his attention and move on.
He was sitting alone in his darkened home one night when the fairy came to him. She saw his loneliness said, "Young man, you've squandered your gift. You enjoyed others' friendship, but you did not invest in them. But I feel terrible that my gift would bring my rescuer pain. Please. Choose again. You may pick one thing from my basket, or you can allow me to choose for you." The man reached in and pulled out the coin engraved with the word wealth. The fairy promised him he would get his reward and flew away.
The next morning, there was a knock at the door. He opened it and saw a man in a fancy suit, who informed him that his wealthy great grandmother had just died. As her executor, he was to give the man her vast inheritance.
The man quickly became known as a big spender, and was never in want of company. The men were always friendly. The women threw themselves at him at every turn. He spent money just to spend it. He bought a new suit for every day of the year and even had a mansion built, and he spent every night out at the most exclusive clubs and restaurants. He soon forgot what it was like to be poor. He soon forgot that he was becoming poor again. He began having to go with the second best of everything. Eventually he even had to sell his mansion. His friends began making excuses not to spend time with him. The women who were so interested in him only months before now wouldn't even look at him. Soon he was reduced to living in a shack as an involuntary hermit.
One rainy night he was sitting on his floor eating stale bread when the fairy came to him again. She looked at him sadly as he told her why he was in such a miserable state, then told him, "I'm sorry to hear that my gifts have brought such unhappiness to your life. But you were foolish. Had you have spent them better, then you would still be well-off and happy." The old man begged her, "Please, kind fairy. Have mercy. Give me your last boon." At this the fairy became angry. She snapped, "No! No, you old fool! I just told you that all of this is your fault! Had you have only trusted me, I would have chosen what was best for you. You've gotten exactly what you deserved." And with that she flew away, never to return.