My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

A few weeks ago my stepmom and I were meandering around an area near where we live, and randomly turned down a small side street neither of us had ever explored before where we stumbled upon this little barber shop that had a framed photo of her late father near the window. He was an actor who was fairly well-known in his time, and the barber had requested an autographed head-shot to add to his collection of his celebrity clientele. She seemed to be pleased to see his photo and handwriting, but then later on when we were home became really emotional about it because at the time she was four-and-a-half months pregnant (she miscarried a little over a week ago), and was overcome with sadness that her dad who died when she was in college would never be able to meet her son. Her stepfather was in the hospital then, and that definitely added to the emotional toll, but the picture really did have a visceral effect on her. Since her traumatizing miscarriage, things like a gift that arrived from a friend who wasn't going to be able to make the baby shower, an invitation to her step-niece's first birthday party, and the room that we were in the finishing touches of converting into a nursery all became like salt poured into the wound.

I've lost nine people I loved, and a few others I really cared about in the past few years, and have various reactions when I see mementos of them. With some, like a beautiful picture of my great-grandmother that I found on an old jump drive, it's a sweet, reassuring comfort that they're still with me in a way, and with others, like a snapshot on the same drive of a friend who died when I was fifteen, it's a piercing, breath-stealing pain, and intense feeling of loss. My best friend told me she feels the same way sometimes when she sees photos and videos of her family from when she was younger, and her parents hadn't yet gone through their very acrimonious divorce that was so damaging to them all.

How do you react when you encounter reminders of people you loved and lost either by death, divorce, or something else that separated you from them? And how do you honor their memory without collapsing under the weight of grief?

I apologize for the length of this question. Thank you in advance for your answers.
Zoe ~ he was on a television show for over thirty years and had a star on the Walk of Fame, but I highly doubt anyone our age would have the faintest clue about who he was because he passed away in the 90s and was never a big-name star. He was a lovely, wonderful person, though.

http://s353.photobucket.com/albums/r375/SkylarkMelody/?action=view&current=BH_Barber_Shop.jpg

I really appreciate all of these poignant, thoughtful, and comforting answers.

THANKS EVERYONE! YOU'RE ALL AWESOME. : )
PS: I moved the photo which was of my step-grandfather's autographed headshot at the barber shop into a private album after a few days, so the link no longer works. Apologies!

My Boomer Tips

Tomorrow marks the 2-year anniversary of the end of my friendship with my best-friend Lee. This was a friendship that lasted 21 years without any problems or even a harsh word. Looking back on it, I realize there were problems, but I just didn’t want to deal with them. What happened you ask? Well, it’s a long story but the bottom line is, I told her I needed a break! That was all! I called her up and said, “I need to take a break for awhile, but if you ever need me please call.” She never has. NEVER! She has never bothered to pick up the phone to ask me WHY? I tried to patch things up with her but she just sat and yelled at me. I’ve talked to her twice since then and told her when she wants to talk I’m here, but nothing. She tells people I hurt her. NO I didn’t, she hurt herself.

Because Lee does not know the main reason why I walked away I’m not going to list it here, that’s for her find out, if she ever grows up. But I will say that I had lots of other reasons. If I even listed half the stuff she did, her kids wouldn’t speak to her, her husband would file for a divorce, she wouldn’t have any friends and the FBI would be contacting her. Let’s just say she’s not a nice person anymore. (She used to be) The people she has been associating with for several years have really changed her. I knew they were bad news, I told her so, she just wouldn’t listen to me. Misery loves company.

Three months after we quit talking I was in a terrible accident. I needed re-constructive surgery. Everyone said I was lucky I wasn’t dead. That would have been the perfect opportunity to work things out, but she didn’t even call me! If she had been the one in the accident I would have been by her side. The real victims in this tragedy are the kids. My children loved her dearly. She was like an Aunt to them. Three months ago my oldest daughter graduated from high school. Even though she has kept in contact with Lee, Lee did not even acknowledge the graduation announcement my daughter sent her. I think that is pathetic.
Lee herself just became a grandmother. Of course I was not invited to the baby shower even though I have known her son longer than anyone. I do however, plan to send her son and his wife a gift.

I loved Lee she was like my sister. I want to write her a letter, but my husband says to stay away from her.
I am so angry and hurt that she so easily dismissed me and my family. I have kept all her secrets but I am finding it harder and harder as time goes on. I just don’t know what to do.

My Boomer Tips

Well, I got married last August and she was my Maid of Honor. She is getting married this upcoming August and I'm her Matron of Honor. She was still in school during the planning of my wedding and I was very understanding to the point that my mom had the shower on a weekend that did not affect her school. The same with the bachelorette party as well. I never expected anything from her, she wanted to help as much as she could. She bought the shower invitations, bought our wedding rings (her italian tradition which she insisted), etc. Her fiance has been working full time for years, so while she was in school he paid all the bills. However, my husband and I are in school right now...I'm finishing up I'll be done one week before her wedding. She is just so obsessed with money and constantly talks about how much people should spend for a gift for her and how much they should give her at her wedding! Her hotel is so expensive for a room that my husband and I are staying at my grandmothers place! She is getting married downtown Chicago that is why it is so expensive. I'm trying my best to help as much as she did, although I can not afford to buy her wedding bands. For me it was never about the money, but for her it seems that way! I feel that I am not being treated nicely at all, she knows that my husband and I are not made of money and that we are job hunting. I even bought her shower invitations, which were so expensive and now she tells me we might need more! I already spent more than what I budgeted for, what the heck! I don't know what to do...in fact her bachelorette party I may be late for due to school which I just found out about! It's just a mess and my cousin is getting married the same day and I'm missing that wedding which I'm still upset about! I do love my best friend, but I don't know what to do! Everything for her wedding is so expensive and I'm trying to help with what I can! The other day she told me if she could do the wedding over again, she would not ask anyone to stand up in the wedding! Who says that to the Matron of Honor....it's like she doesn't want me to stand up! She makes me feel bad everytime I talk to her!
I looked at her registry the other day and was shocked at how expensive everything on it is! Everything is designer and top quality. My mom and I are going to her shower and having stuff embroidered and she said the other day that she would be upset if anyone got her stuff that was not on her registry!
Her mom and mother in law are throwing the shower. My mom and bridesmaids threw my shower. She helped with the invitations...again she insisted. So, I took care of hers.

My Boomer Tips

I need help in dealing with my "Dad". He was a guy I always thought was "Mr. Morals" and therefore, even though he was impossible to be around he always had that going for him. Then he cheated and left my Mom for her best friend. The double betrayal killed my Mom. She got bone cancer shortly after wards and died a few years later. My Mom and I were tight. I was her first born (son) and I have a younger sister. My Dad has always been about mind games and manipulation. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him and compliments were hard to come by. He always finds faults and criticizes everyone. He doesn't have any friends and his sisters have all but forgotten him because he's such a treat to be around. So self-righteous. I've been successful in my life. I graduated college, married, 2 kids, nice house, support myself etc. My sister is fat, lazy, no job, and just like him. He walks on water for her and treats me poorly. It took a few years before I'd even be in the same room with that thing he married and I made it clear at that time that she'd never be grandma to my kids and I've told my Dad that I won't get her presents. Because of this when it comes time for gift giving I get the cheapest crappiest presents when he used to give nice presents. He's just trying to manipulate me into giving his woman gifts too. Because of this I told him, "no more x-mas gift exchanges" so this year, for my 40th birthday I get a fishing rod with the tag still on it and not wrapped and when he hands it to me his thing says, "we bought it last year". WTF? He seems to find the negatives with my kids and there definately is no balance there with compliments. The land he lives on has been in the family for 5 generations and I was always told by my Grandmother that it would be mine someday. When I ask Dad about it so that I can plan my future he gives me a smarmy grin and says he won't choose between me and my sister. Now, often times when I see him they bring up how they might sell the place and move south. It's like they get off on holding it over my head. It's to the point now that I don't even want it. Many times when we go to see him I get this anxiety in my chest and the thought of "What's he going to do this time?" Is it going to be happy Dad or pissy Dad? My Mom had told my wife and I before she died that I always had to prove myself to him and it was never good enough and my sister never had to endure that. I also heard from her that I was an oopsy pregnancy and that he didn't want kids. There have been a few times in the past where I've gone a year or better without speaking to him. I'm tired of the negative energy he puts out and the feeling of inadequacy. I'm starting to hear him say things in front of my kids and don't want to subject them to what I had to go through. He's one of those that are never wrong either. We've had some heart to hearts in the past on different things and it always gets turned around where he starts to attack me some. I'm tired of it. Can somebody give me some good advice on how to handle this? I can't take much more. I'm worn out.

My Boomer Tips

My daughter was just married in a small wedding, immediate family only. Her mother, grandmother, father, step-mother. His mother, step-father, father, sister. One best friend each. They're hosting a larger party in a few weeks.

My brother and his wife are deeply offended, and are boycotting the reception. They say they should have been there as immediate family and that they're not giving her the gift they'd bought.

My brother has never been close to my daughter, never visited her, been to her graduations or parties, never bothered to ask about her, and doesn't even like her new husband.

I explained that they didn't deliberately single them out--his aunt and uncle weren't there, either.

What I want to say, and didn't because I was afraid it would start a feud: "You don't even have a relationship with them. If you hadn't invited them to your wedding, they would have considered that your prerogative, because it was your day, and they would have been happy for you. They didn't omit you to deliberately hurt you, but you're boycotting the party to deliberately hurt them. It will also hurt mom, me, and your own children. It's a childish, bitter, vindictive statement, and Daddy would be disappointed in you. But if you can't just be happy for them, and rejoice in their wedding, whoever was there, then I don't want you anywhere around that day.
They've already requested no gifts. They've been together 10 years, and already have everything they need.

My Boomer Tips

i'm not ready to give up on him yet. we broke up over a stupid fight.

i did almost everything for him
~ i woke him up for school
~ i went to his foster care meeting
~ i stayed up all night on the phone with him when his bus didn't arrive till 3 and a half hours later.
~ I went over his house when he was sick
~ i helped him with his first cellphone bill since his job was being a b**** to him
~ I brought him a new hoodie for his birthday after his old one got torn up in a bad accident ( he hates wearing jackets.. i didn't want him to be cold)
~ I got him a wallet for christmas when i found out his old one broke
~ his family seriously got him nothing for christmas 2 christmas's ago. I told my family and we got some small gifts for him, and my mom told my neighbor( who is her best friend) and her daughter gave up her credit card gift card to give to him
~I went to the skate park with him
~ I even went to his job when he needed me, and i got entirely soaked for him! ( i didn't have an umbrella at the time)
~ I was with him when he got his wisdom teeth taken out
~ i went with him to visit his best friend in the hospital twice
~ I went with him to go to his other best friends funeral after he died all of a sudden

i did all of this for him, and if i didn't wake him up for school in the morning, he wouldn't have gone to school, and he wouldn't have ever gotten his high school diploma. he got it a half a school year late, but he got it. I don't want to give up on him. I was gonna help him with so much, like getting a bank account, going to drivers ed to get his license( my friend was nice enough to ask her mom since she likes my bf as a friend). I still love him so much, i am not ready to give up. I really want him to be the person I know he can be. I was half way there. What can I do to save this relationship? This sunday or monday we are supposed to return each others items. I don't want him out of my life
whats sad is that he is the first person in his family to get their high school diploma i'm glad i helped him accomplish getting his diploma

he did do a lot for me too, just about as much as i did for him.
~he brought me an 0 coat ( it was on sale for though).
~He took me out to dinner.
~He gave my family free movie tickets ( since he works in the movies).
~I got to go on the city bus for free since his friends are bus drivers ( its .25 a ride!)
~He got me a hamster for our 6th month anniversary.
~He would always get me a drink or some sort of food when I got hungry
~ one time I got sunburnt so badly, he took me to the diner where his grandmother works, and asked her for some advice on how to make me feel better and everything.
~He was there for me when he found out my parents were separating
~ he got my sisters free popcorn once in a while
~ every friday we went to either McDonald's or ate at some diner to eat before he went to work, so basically that was my dinner
~ When he brought me that jacket, he risked getting in trouble with his aunt( he lived with his aunt since he was a foster child) from getting home late ( since he wouldn't let me leave, until I got something at the mall, and he had to take the bus home)

Plus we did have our alone time moments all the time also, we had times alone to date, do things together all couples do, and we enjoyed ourselves

My Boomer Tips

My best friend of many, many years just had her first son and his bris is this coming sunday. Since this is the first child on both sides, I'm a little lost in proper etiquette for this event. I'm not a jew although I have been there and celebrated with this family since I was a child. This family did in fact have a baby shower (the baby's father isn't jewish), but since I am best friends with the mom, should I bring a second gift?
I, myself, am due any day now with my child-if I go into labor and miss the bris-should I send a gift? I've done a lot of reading but it's very difficult to find what is expected of a non-jew that's so close with the family. Since both of us were literally days apart with our expected due dates, the topic was 'up in the air' because we didn't know who would deliver first. I've asked if there's anything I can bring/do-but being so close to the family I get the whole 'your presence is all I ask'-but this means so much to me, being allowed to be there I want to show my gratitude.
The bris is not being held at temple but at the great grandparents house-and this family isn't orthodox but follow tradition during holidays/ceremonies. Would flowers be appropriate for the great grandmother who is hosting?

My Boomer Tips

I live in a small part of Wales called Anglesey. I am a teenager and am 15 years old and live in a bungalow with my family about a mile form the big towns and pubs and all of that. here is some info that might help people interested in answering:
my grandmother died of cancer in august 2009
so did my three legged dog called rox who was 21 years old
my grandfathers best friend died of a heart attack whilst out fishing about a mile from my house
my hamsters both died in my hands a couple of months ago of a heart weakness disease
and my room is on the other end of the house to everyone elses bedrooms.

I was in my room and I woke up at 3:30 AM - I usually wake up between 3:30 and 4:00 anyway so no big deal. then I saw like an orb but a little higher and thinner than the circles you see in pictures on the other side of the room. I wasn't that scared but a tiny bit of me told me to leave my room. anyway I went back to sleep thinking it had been a dream or my imagination but when i woke up at 7:00 it was there again. so I slowly got up and switched the lights on and it was still there clearly. so I ran through to my brothers room and stayed with him. he was up too so we went on the xbox and computer etc...
then the next night I woke up at the EXACTLY same time again! and I saw it again but it was closer. so once again I closed my eyes tightly and went back to sleep. then the next night (wow this is sounding a little boring now) I saw like a human body about 5 foot 2 - 3 by my bed. I completally freaked and went to my brothers room nearly screaming because it totally freaked me out.

next night I couldnt bear sleeping in there but found I must have slept walked into there at 3:30 - like usual. and it was right there - another 'spirit' or 'ghost' but taller and bigger than the last one. it was underneath my light and then moved forward and to my left really quickly. so I quickly got up and ran to my brothers room - he was sleeping this time though so I crept into my cousins room and slept on the blow up bed he has in there for 'emergencies' (dont ask me what I mean by that - ask him!)
but now my parents say I am not allowed to hurass them and stop them slereping any moe than they should so I am FORCED to sleep in my own room! (understandable I mean it is MY room!)
so I talked to my best friend A and she didnt believe me at all and makes fun of me about it (in a kind and loving way hee hee) - then my best friend B does believe me and wants to have a seyonce in my room to see for herself. and my best friend C I havent told because I feel she wouldn't understand.
so i spoke to my best friend D. who has the same 'gift' as she calls it - and she understand perfectly. she used to live with me becuase her mother was - I cant say but social services got involved but before they did she lived with us for 3+ years. so she wants to come over and show me what to do without losing the gift. and she says we should talk to them.
anyway... do I really have a 'gift'? is my room really full of spirits? and why me?

oh and something else interesting:
I saw one in Science at school - a orb I mean. so I looked away and it moved to my vision and wouldnt go away. then I got told off in science when the teacher asked me a question and I was just starign into 'blank space' which was really the orb that nobody else could see which I was mentally telling ot leave me alone for now. and I saw one in my friends house yesterday when I was sleeping over

why me? is it a 'gift'? and please no comments saying I am looney and other things like that - I want people who believe in spirits and ghosts or have a good explanation for it that doesnt involve any engative words etc. looney, mad woman - must I say more?
thanks and please comment NICELY -
Alice x