My Boomer Tips

My Boomer Tips

I'm 33 and I haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years. She kicked me out of my house when I was 18 because I did not like her new boyfriend. I did not speak to her for 4 years because of that. We reconciled and had a relationship for 4 years after that. During those 4 years my wife and I learned that my mothers boyfriend was abusing her. She left him and had to live with us. While she was living with us she kept going back to him. That situation and her living with us starting becoming a problem for my wife and I. My mother finally asked if she should move out and I said it would be best. Before she was to move out she purposely started a fight calling me names, calling my wife names, accusing my wife of cheating on me. Part of me thinks she started the fight to make it easier for me to make her leave because she knew it was such a hard decision. She left that day and I have spoken to her since 2002. Since then I have bought my first house and have had 2 kids who she hasn't seen. Since my first kid was born almost 3 years ago she has sent presents and gifts for both of them on birthdays and Christmas. She learns about the kids from my brother. She has written two letters to my wife and I explaining people make mistakes and she would do things different but never once admitted she did things wrong or apologized. Last year with the birth of my second child I started having thoughts of reconciling again and asked my brother if she was still seeing the douche who was abusing her. He said she has but they are not dating or anything. That immediately convinced me not to even consider reconciling. I feel all her actions were a result of being with this guy. I feel if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be in this situation, he practically brainwashed her.

One, I don't want to speak to her because if she is still seeing this guy she hasn't changed for the better. Two, I don't want my kids to get to know her and then she pulls something and they get hurt because they can't see their grandmother anymore. Three, I really don't care if I ever talk to her again, being hurt by your own mother twice is enough for me. Recently I have been getting pressure from my brother, my father and his wife, and too a small point my wife (but she backs any decision i make). I'm starting to feel like the bad guy.

So after all I have written here, do I, should I, make contact with her again?

Thank you.