My sister and I aren't close anymore. Help?
My Boomer Tips
My sister and I are a year in half apart (I'm 18 and she's 20) and were best friends up until we turned 9 & 10. That's when my parents started fighting again and we silently took sides ( I wanted them to divorce; she didn't). It drove a small wedge between us and we were constantly criticized by our parents and grandmother for not wanting to be around each other as much. Then when we became teens, we drifted even more due to separate friendships, hobbies, personalities, etc.
We are both intelligent but I did better in academics so I was placed in the gifted program, Beta club, got principal's list, and what not so I began to really shine more educationally. This was, however, the straw that broke the camel's back. My father (more than my mom because she didn't want either of us to feel inferior to the other) praised me for doing well academically and even told me I was the smartest of my three siblings. At first it made me feel good but then extremely bad and guilty and pressured to stay that way. I felt bad he didn't tell my sister that but at the same time, my sister was the one everyone said was the prettiest and the most outgoing and likeable so I felt it was my own compensation for not being the favorite, pretty daughter. I was smart. She was pretty and a cheerleader. We kept our place in our household and excelled in them. And if we did something to try and break free of our "roles", whether they were good (me hanging out with friends or her getting an A) or bad (me getting a C or her hanging out late at night ) my father would swiftly make comment of our changing ways, inevitably putting us back in our place.
Eventually we didn't really talk anymore and if we did, it was five minutes of bickering. I thought she was stuck up, selfish, too talkative and superficial. She thought I was lame, ugly, too shy, a bookworm, and unlikable. We were and are night and day.
I worry that our relationship as sisters will never be ammended especially after a recent conversation between my father, myself, and my sister. He made note of all my previous academic accomplishments and how I've had to struggle more for my goals than her, basically belittling her and her accomplishments. I stuck up for her and praised her accomplishments but she just condescended me in the end like always. I know she does it because she feels bad about herself when my dad talks to her about her life but he's done and does the exact same thing with me by making me feel bad for not having a lot of friends or being pretty like her or being liked by everyone. He even told her he was so proud to have her as a daughter. He's never told me that, just that he was proud of my accomplishments.
