My mom is 50 years old and wants to have a child with her boyfriend, and now she hates me for being against it?
My Boomer Tips
My mom came to me today and told me she was thinking of having a child with her boyfriend. She asked my honest opinion on the subject, and so I gave it. She didn't like it.
I'm against it because I'm worried for her. First of all, she is 50 years old. And yes, I know, these days it's more common for women that age to be getting pregnant, but there's also a great risk. Especially for her, because she takes sleeping pills(a whole lot of them, since she is somewhat addicted).
Then, there's the fact that her relationship with her boyfriend is rocky. One minute they're all hugs and kisses, the next they're at each others throats.
Also, she is overweight(I'm not being mean, but it's dangerous for a woman her age to have children, let alone one with her weight).
Finally, my mom and her boyfriend are having serious financial troubles. They both work almost all day, and they can barely make ends meet. I help, but it's still not enough. I told her, if things are like this as it is, how can she expect to have money to take care of a baby? Also, I work all day too, and so there would be no one to take care of the baby, and they have no money to put it in a daycare.
I told all this, as she asked me my honest opinion. And then, she started yelling at me, saying I'm just being childish because I won't be her baby anymore.
And now, she's giving me the silent treatment. She's been like this for almost a week now, and I don't know what I can do.
What can I do to make her understand I'm only looking out for her best interests?
…..As another answerer already pointed out, it seems that you’re being more mature than your mom. Of course, you are correct about all of that you mentioned and then some, so there’s no reason to repeat all that. What can you do? I’m not really sure except maybe sit down and write her a real letter by hand and explain a lot of what you said here (leave out the overweight part even it it’s true) and then give it to her and let her read it. She did not get the answer she wanted from you, but I think you acted very responsibly.
wow looks like u more mature than ur mom !
it’s her life..let her live it her way
Sounds like you have your head on straight and mom doesn’t. You sound like you’ve thought this through very maturely, thinking about mom AND baby’s best interests and mom hasn’t. It also sounds like that you’d feel that you would be stuck taking care of the baby, which i’m sure isn’t on your radar right now.
Tell her exactly what you’ve said here and invite the boyfriend in the convo. If she can still give you the silent treatment and the boyfriend is all for it, mom’s head is in the clouds and unfortunately there may be nothing you can do.
You make a really good argument. I have an idea at the expense to look after a child and that is probably the best argument for the child’s welfare. But at the end of the day couples think the best way to keep them together and to ‘confirm’ their love is a child. If she does get pregnant, that’s when you need to be supportive (good luck with that). I agree with your views, the pills, weight and everything is not good for a baby. Although on the bright side, this may make her healthier, off the sleeping pills and lighter. Maybe encouragement to better health is the way to go?
Cooper,
I don’t think there’s anything you can do to make her see that she isn’t thinking logically. And she isn’t. She can’t take care of herself without your help. How in God’s name is she gonna take care of a baby? And at her age, and her weight, whats to say that she lives to even see the kid hit five years old? Seriously talk about selfish!
Buy her a dog if she wants something to baby. Sounds like half her problem to be honest.
Pray that she comes to her senses. Your mom having another child is a bad idea for the few reasons you listed.
Well, I guess she really didn’t want to hear your "honest" opinion, only what she wanted to hear. She’d better realize that there’s the possibility she’ll be raising this child by herself when she should be retired! The way you describe their relationship, I wouldn’t give it a snowballs chance in hell of working! At least you seem mature enough that you’ll likely be out on your own in a few years, and you won’t have to watch her dilemma. And I do hope you get out of the house asap or you will wind up being a full time baby sitter and have no life of your own! I wish you all the luck in the world!
what you need to do is go to your mom and tell her, I’M sorry i’m I was just telling you what I thought! I will support you know matter what you decide but I was just giving you my honest opinoin! I’m sorry if you didn’t like it but I’m just worried for the entire family!
this issue is not your family problem but your moms, yes it may affect you but if her wanting another kid is something she wants who are you to stop her! I understand it is hard finaically and it will be a struggle but your mom knows what she is doing! Would you want ot hear the samethign from your mom if you were in her sittuation? I wouldnt! I know you are trying to do ro say what is clear but your mom needs to see that for herself!!! good luck!
i think your doing the right thing when my mom had me she was 35 and she was in good health and shape at the time but after she had me she almost died they had to remove something to prevent her from getting pregnant again so i can see why your worried about her and if all the stuff you say about her true having a child will be a big mistake but it could be a mid life crises she going throw women her age have them all the time just don’t bring it up for a while and she’ll change her mind what your mom really needs is a hobby maybe a pet to take care of give her a animal and it will for fill her need to want a child at lest for awhile