My brother thinks he is too good for everyone else in the family?
My Boomer Tips
I asked this question yesterday, but everyone said it was all my familys fault. I added some details and would like some more advice.
It all started when my grandmother died a year ago. She had an old, legal will done at a lawyers office, and a new will that was hand-written by two of her 9 children and never signed by my grandmother. My grandmother raised me and two of my brothers as well as her own children. When she died, her children tried to push the new will through, however since there was a legal will, the new one was thrown out and the old one was used. The problem is, one of my brothers was purposely left out of the new will (the one that was thrown out), even though all the rest of us were included. The reason he was left out is that he has a fantastic job, a loving wife and children, owns a very nice house and a lot of land, take frequent vacations, etc. His wife's family has a lot of money so even though he has three kids in college he is still doing very well. The rest of us all struggle to get by.
Since the old will was the one that was legal, my brother DID get his share. However, since all this happened he will no longer speak to any of us or have contact with any of us. I know some things were said that have gotten back to him that really upset him, however it is true that he really didn't need that money and the rest of us do. He used to pay for all the food for holiday get-togethers and rent a place to have them but now he won't even return our calls when we try to include him, he also used to help pay for clothes for our kids and buy them nice gifts for their birthdays and no longer does that, either. He has not talked to any of us for months now even though we try to contact him a few times a week. I don't understand why he is so upset that he would stop communicating completely.
I should add that we are not talking about a huge inheritance here. My Grandmother did not have much, and divided us, there really isn't much to go around. How can we get him to understand that he was only left out because he doesn't need anything? I will admit that some of the aunts and uncles may be jealous of him, but I would like to have him back in our lives.
I have tried to email his wife countless times. Ih ave left messages on his cell phone and his home answering machine. His wife used to be a good friend, but now neither one of them will talk to me AT ALL. I had no part of having them taken out of the new will but I am a single Mom and can barely pay my bills. His kids are all going to very good colleges and have always had the best of everything and I'm not even sure mine will be able to go to any college at all. It wasn't about trying to make him an outcast or make him feel that he wasn't important to my Grandma, it was just that everyone else really can use that money and his family does not need it! I think what made it worse, was that some of my aunts and uncles tried to sneak away some of the personal possessions that he was supposed to get as well, but they did have to return them. He got everything he was supposed to get, but now it's like he is too good to even speak to anyone!
I understand why he is upset, but it was only two people responsible for writing the new will, and he won't talk to ANY OF US!
I responded to your original question as well, and even though you’ve added details, the answers is still the same. What happened to your brother was WRONG. It wasn’t the MONEY that mattered, and the greedy beneficiaries making a smash-grab was awful, no matter how much they felt they deserved the money or needed it.
Can you really not see that the others who pushed for him to be excluded were WRONG? It’s not him being SNOBBY or too-good-for-the-rest-of-you … he was there for you when you NEEDED him, helping you at every turn.
And this is how the family thanks him? By deciding FOR him that he doesn’t deserve to be honored in his grandmother’s will. You guys didn’t mind him giving you money and great gifts, but when there was a chance to show him that he was a valuable part of the family, everyone pushed him aside and went straight for the money instead.
If you guys really don’t understand WHY that hurt him, or why it was wrong, he’s better off without you.
I don’t want to be harsh, but the fact that you don’t seem to understand how WRONG it was just makes it THAT MUCH worse.
I think your family lost sight of the reason for the will.
Wills are a way to acknowledge family. It really doesn’t
matter what the monetary value is but rather the fact that
each member of the family is recognized by the dearly
departed. Your brother’s worth in the family was diminished
by the comments from the other family member. In essence
all of you were telling him he didn’t matter because he had
it good. I can see how that hurt him deeply. The rest of
the family needs to apologize to your brother and tell him
he does matter and that he is loved by all.
He doesn’t think he’s too good for your family.
You family is sneaky, manipulative, and deceitful.
Writing up someone else’s will and trying to pass it as the real thing, without the person’s signature? MANIPULATIVE. Seriously.
I wouldn’t talk to your family either. Sorry if you feel he "doesn’t need the money". Just because your family seems jealous that he is sucessfully living his life, doesn’t mean the grandmother felt he should be left out. So he should be "punished" for obviously making better choices than you? Yeah right.
Sorry, but, I agree with the answers you said you got yesterday. The problem isn’t him. It’s your family. They tried to bypass him of his legal rights because they feel it’s "owed to them" kinda. He isn’t the problem, your family is.
I don’t think that he thinks he is better than anyone else at all. Everyone hurt him a great deal. How do you all know what he would have done with his inheritance(no matter how small)? Maybe he would have used his share to help others in the family. It really wasn’t fair to try to cut him out of the will. He is as much a part of the family as anyone else. Just because he has more money than everyone else just means he worked a little harder to get where he is today. He sounds like he was pretty generous at the holidays. Are you really just upset because now he won’t buy anything for anyone anymore? You may not have tried to cut him out of the will, but you do feel the same way about his money. You all should beg his forgiveness. He has done nothing wrong.
I think ur sad he’s right not to be wanting to be used anymore from scm like you’s. I should know i have aunties etc who only use my grandad for huis money ur stupid.
I find it very sad that through out that whole question you never once said that you love and miss your brother and that’s why you want him back in your life. You seem to love and miss his money. From all you’ve said it seems he was a very caring and generous man. I feel very bad for him for the way his family has hurt him. You should all be very ashamed of yourselves and leave him alone because that seems to be the only thing he’s ever asked of you. As far as you saying he thinks he’s too good for the rest of your family. He is!
Lady, you guys messed up big time! Sorry…but everyone here is right.
It’s not about he didn’t NEED the MONEY! Its about INTEGRITY and PROTOCOL and FAMILY. Here is where you went wrong:
1. Drafting a New Will Intentionally Leaving out you brother
2. Being Deceitful to your brother about it
3. Trying to Push for the New Will
4. I’ll speaking your brother after the fact
5. Hurting his feelings like that and making him not even feel like he’s a part of the family
6. Being Ungrateful after all he does for you people
7. Caring only that you NEED it more than he does and
Your Grandmother was a good and smart lady. She loved all her Grandkids equally and shared amongst all of them. Didn’t matter who was better off. But You couldn’t see it that way. You folks wanted to be selfish and greedy cause You think YOUR BROTHER didn’t need it. You never even gave him a chance! He would have given you guys his share cause he knows you all need it more than he does. But…you all dn’t deserve to have a Brother like him and he’s right for not wanting to have anything to do with you all. Put yourself in his shoes….you’ll see. Its all about whats the right and fair thing to do.