I'm 21 years old, and am gay and met a gay man who is 50, please help?
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I'm 21 years old and I am gay....I have been talking to an older gentleman online who is 50 years old. We've also talked on the phone (non-sexual conversation). He just sent me a message saying that he will be driving through my area tomorrow AM and wanted to know if I would be willing to get together with him for a drink or lunch. Here's what he said:
hey Gerry,
i'm going to syracuse saturday am, driving through your area to & from, just wondering if you wanted to get together for a drink, lunch, ect.?, let me know, take care, greg
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I have been sitting in from my computer for about half hour trying to respond. I don't want to sound rude because he has somewhat of an idea where I live and stuff like that, so I need to be polite. Below is an e-mail that I have started to write. Can someone please help me edit this so that it sounds better? Basically, he's 50, and I’m 21. He's old enough to be my father. He told me that he wouldn't mind having a serious descreet relationship with me, however I am very uncomfortable with the age difference.
========== Here's my response ==============
Good Evening Greg,
Thanks for your message.
Right now I feel it is important for me to be honest with you about my feelings.
I am a little uncomfortable with our age differences (that's not to say that I don't want to speak to you ever again, because I am not saying that at all).
Honestly, you sound like a very nice guy and I really enjoyed speaking to you over the phone.
It's amazing how much we could talk about over the phone in the the two or three hours that we talked.
I would not, by any means have any objection to speaking with you through phone & email under conditional circumstances.
Best Regards,
- Gerry
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In my last paragraph when I said "conditional circumstances", I am not sure what the heck that means in reality, but in my message it is supposed to mean that I don't want to engage into any sexual conversations or physical sexual activity just yet.
After a while of talking I believe that I will be more comfortable and relaxed if I had to meet you in person.
I'm hesitant to say anything. He knows what I drive but I lied about the color of my car after I realized how close he is to me. Just the other day we were in the same town at the exact same time. I found this out later after we got back on the internet. He sounds like a very nice guy. I can tell by his voice he isn't a creep. He even told me if I wanted to keep things over the phone he would be fine with that. I'm hesitant to say anything because he might take it the wrong way. He did admit that he is in to younger guys like myself.
First of all that’s just gross. And I wouldnt go meet him because he could be some kind of insane psycofreak. Sometimes you can’t tell by the voice.
Honestly i would not go meet this man or get involved with him.
ur def young enough to be his kid and many things could happen
He may seem nice but there are creeps and weirdos out there
Just date men that u’ve met in person and who are more ur age
good letter!
thoughtful, not mean.
excellent! i agree w/above response also…
Dude, Just say that you allready made plans that you can’t break, & you’ll try for the next time he comes.
Find a girl like normal guys
You do intend to possibly get physical with him eventually, though? Don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t want to, just because you feel guilty. He may be a nice guy, but if you’re uncomfortable, you’re uncomfortable. I would say drop it all together. Instead of ending your message (which is great by the way) with the ‘conditional circumstances’ sentence, say something like "You sound like a great guy, but I’m sorry to say I just don’t feel comfortable with our age differences. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone special" or something of that nature.
I really wouldn’t force this on yourself. If you two had met in person, and had GREAT chemistry, then maaaybe, just maybe you could’ve considered it. But from the sounds of it I wouldn’t suggest going any further with this guy.
Just be honest. Personally i dont have a problem with age differences but if you do, then be open about it.
Honey, you’re beating around the bush…just tell him you feel uncomfortable meeting ANYONE you’ve met online…and that the answer is "NO!"…and STICK WITH IT… You have NO idea who or ‘what’ you’re meeting…no matter ‘how nice’ he seemed on the telephone… I’m sure Jefferey Dahmer seemed like a ‘nice guy’ too… If you do go (and I SERIOUSLY hope you DON’T), please leave written information as to the details of who you’re meeting, where, when, etc… and TAKE A FRIEND or TWO with you… But, it’s still a BAD IDEA!
Wiser and more experience
Just say "Drop Dead Greg" That should do it
I’d cut down on the long verbiage, "conditional circumstances" and such.
Just be clear and cut to the chase, e.g.,
"I really like talking with you, and I’d like to meet you, but I don’t want our friendship to become sexual. I think I’d be more comfortable being romantic with a guy closer to my own age."
If he is offended by that, it just means he was out to use your body.
If he is a wise, thoughtful, and caring guy, he would be happy to treat you more like a son or younger brother.
So…if he has a problem that you don’t wan’t to share sex with him, don’t worry about it. That’s his issue, not yours. You don’t owe this man sex, at all.
EDIT: Jerry, the more I think about this, the more uncomfortable I am. Did *he* suggest being discreetly involved, or did *you*?
If *you* suggested getting sexual, that’s cool, it just means you like older guys.
But if *he* suggested it, I’ll be honest, I think you should just drop him in favor of a guy closer to your own age. Because, if he suggested it, he probably hunts around for young guys to f*ck, and that bothers me a lot.
EDIT 2: I totally disagree with Dulles. You are not mean-spirited at all. This guy has not even met you. You don’t owe him your body.
Ok I’ve read the title and it SCREAMS stay back!
I’m going to read the rest and if I change my opinion I’ll edit this…
Good Evening Greg,
Thanks for your message.
Right now I feel it is important for me to be honest with you about my feelings. I am a little uncomfortable with our age differences, but I have enjoyed the conversations we have had, and it is amazing how much we have spoken about in the times we’ve spoken. Honestly, you sound like a very nice guy and I really enjoyed speaking to you over the phone, but I am not ready for a play date just yet. It’s amazing how much we could talk about over the phone, but I think there is so much more we should know about each other before we meet. I want us to keep in touch, I think we will make great friends. And who knows, maybe the next time you drive around here we can meet up and talk.
Best Regards,
- Gerry
wow that’s crazy omfg that gets me so pissed off not at you but at that ***** 50 yr old perve chasing after fresh meat wtf is that. his old nasty rinkelyy ass is nt suppose to be tlking to yough guys. he can get some 1 his own age . look ure 21 so ure an adoult and u now wat ure doing my best advise is YES !!! send him that mssg. bcouse its juss weard. its nt right. that old man is juss faking it . no 50 yr old is ganna tlk to u in a polight way and b nice he’s juss tryng to get into ure pants buddy u shld now better well that’s all hope u make the right choice
Gerry,
You seem to have yourself in a very awkward position, but I commend you for wanting to be kind to Greg, especially since I am 50 , too.
The words "under conditional circumstances" might best by saying "as friends".
Are you planning to have any other type of relationship with him? I wonder this because you say "physical sexual activity just yet." If you do, then I would phrase the last sentence:
"Greg, thank you for the offer of dinner or lunch, but for right now I would prefer that we just talk on the phone until we get to know each other better. Your friendship is important to me, but I am not ready for us to meet, yet."
Goodluck – if possible, I would appreciate you letting me know how it went. If he is truly a good guy, he will understand. If he doesn’t understand then, it might be best you break off the friendship.
P.S. If your conversations move into being uncomfortable through sexual talk, try changing the subject, or he tells a joke that you feel is inappropriate, don’t laugh. Your silence will tell him much.
Do him a favor and leave him alone. You are very mean-spirited with your ageist uncomfortableness. ew, who would want to have lunch with you after you exposed your ugly interior thoughts.
Just tell him no.
Me personaly i dont see the big deal with the age diffrence but then again i like a mature older man then a younger guy my age and me and my partner have a 20 year age diffrence and its not a big deal at all unless you make it into one… With that being said i think you might want to meet this guy for a drink and maybe dinner and thats all and nothing wrong with two guys having a drink is there and just be up front about not wanting sex with him and who knows you might change your mind later that night..Dont let the age diffrence scare you it only means he has more experince in certaint matters and he can deal with things a lot more better then a younger guy can and if you blow him off and send him that letter im sure he will not want to speak with you or have anything to do with you since you leading him on and kept the conversasion going through the net then onto the phone so you have some part to be blamed in all this and if you are not going to meet up with him atleast he deserves a phone call from you and not a email saying so and just be yourself upfront and honest with him as he will do the same with you…
hi,hey u got your self in to this so why ask now after what you started ,if you did not want to go with him why did you let it go that far ,u see this is ur fault an now you want to back out of something you started, well look am goimg to help u out but next time don’t talk to some one your not sure of cause now u have made some one feel like crap ,an that truely suck in your behalve,an for alex you suck too ,u need to get a life an grow a penis an put it in ur butt, sorry am just mad about the haters out there ,you see i like older men cause they do have feelings to, an they are good persons you should be cool with them an not just think that they are all killers or perverts,so just tell this guy that you don’t wish to meet with him right away an its nice of him to ask you, but u just don’t feel right about meeting right now ,ok an you would just like to keep on being friends for now .ok thats it next make sure you don’t put your mouth in where the sun don’t shine ok ,bye 4 now
I think your email is good. It isn’t mean, but It lets him know how you feel in a very nice way. :]
I like your email. It is very considerate and respectful. I wouldn’t change a word and send it as is. I think your friend will totally understand.
Your e-mail looks good and to the point without being rude.
I’d add that his invitation came at short notice and that you’d rather get to know him on the internet or phone a little more before you actually meet him.
(If you decide to ever meet this guy do it in a crowded place for coffee not alcoholic drinks or even a meal. See how you find him, if you trust him enough to allow him to invite you for a meal at another time, again no alcohol. If that goes well, then a drink or two, but no more and don’t take your eyes off your drink. Have an escape route/someone who can be close in the event things don’t go the way you hope).
This guy has been honest wtih you that he is 50 and into younger men; that is a plus on his part.
Your conditional circumstances you weren’t sure of would confuse him. To me it implies that you and he could still e-mail and chat, but nothing sexual. Then you said at the end of your explaination "I don’t want to engage into any sexual conversations or physical sexual activity just yet". So I take this statement to mean you may be interested in the future? If this is the case you should be tell him this as you wrote it.
Age between two consenting adults shouldn’t make a difference. If two people like each other enough and things and you desire each other physically, then there is no problem.