How do I help my mother cope with empty nest syndrome?
My Boomer Tips
OK, I am 26 years old. I have lived in the same town all my life. I went to college (undergrad) in my hometown and while I lived in the dorms, I went home on the weekends. Then after graduating college I lived at home for a year while working, and decided to go to graduate school at the same school I did my undergrad and live at home while I do so.
So I'm 26 and I haven't lived anywhere except for my hometown. I decided to study abroad this fall in Europe. The plan was to stay for only one semester, but I like it so much that I want to return for the spring (after going home for the holidays) and finish up the academic year here.
My mother is having a hard time with this. She told me that it is my life and I can do what I want. And she told me a few days ago that I don't have to justify my reasons for wanting to stay abroad.
So I was shocked to receive an email from her tonight asking me to reconsider my decision to return to Europe after the winter holidays. She said that her heart is broken more than I can possibly imagine and that our family needs to be together again. Also she said that staying abroad wasn't something I planned to do, so would I please reconsider?
I plan to return home in June to finish up school, and I feel like I have lived at home longer than average. Many of my friends have left home much earlier than me, like at age 22 or even 20. And I'm 26. So it's not like I'm doing something unusual by wanting to stay abroad a little longer. Coming abroad has renewed my interest in life and it has made me appreciate both the US AND other cultures more than I ever did before. Plus I am gaining some confidence and independence. I feel that 5 more months would only enhance that.
The problem is that I feel so bad about hurting my mother because I know she wants me home. I have never lived away from home and she does not have a husband so it's even harder for her.
Is this empty nest syndrome? If so, it will only get worse when my brother and I get married and move out on our own for our jobs. What can I do to help her cope? We have a good relationship but she never wants to discuss my staying abroad over the phone because it makes her so sad. She said I can email her, so I will do that. I don't know how to explain my reasons for wanting to stay abroad without hurting her or sounding selfish. And I think on some level she does understand that it is my life and I have to do what I want. But how do I help her not be so sad? How can I help her handle the whole empty nest syndrome thing in general? I care about her and I don't want to put a rift in our relationship.
I’m a mother of a 16 year old that is graduating early and has a boyfriend that lives out of state, where her father lives. I often think of how it would be if my daughter were to move out of state after graduating. I understand how hard it must be for you mother, but I think there are things you can do to help, depending on how hard your mom takes it. Some ideas are to send special notes through the mail with pictures of yourself and places you go. If you are any good with photo software you could cut your mom out of some old photos and put her in with the photos of yourself. Send little jokes or gag gifts to give her a laugh. I’m sure it will be hard for your mother but it will get easier.