Get answers from millions of real people. My inconsiderate brother and his wife of 8 years?
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This is the short version. My brother met a woman 9 years ago. They got married soon after. When it was time to throw the bridal shower I wanted to make the party for my future sister-in-law. A cousin of mine wanted to have the party and when my mother confronted the bride to be and ask if it would be OK for me to have the party instead of my cousin. Well it was like Cybil spawned. She cursed my mom out in every way imaginable, even threw the "F" bomb at her a few times. Well this did not sit well with me, so I had to tell the bridzilla what time it was, and no one speaks to my mom that way. Well for the love I have for my brother I took my kids to Vegas for their wedding, and my mom tried everything to welcome her into our family. Baught her pearls, gave them a reception in our home town for family and friends who could not make Vegas, sent her gifts. The best was one Thanksgiving my mother sent her a beautiful platter for the turkey. She had my brother call my mother and tell her "how insulted his wife was to get this platter when she knew she already has one from her grandmother". How hurtful and mean is that. Anyway my family and my mom have lived a few states away from them for the past 6 years, but now we have relocated due to work and now we are 1 mile apart. We have lived in this town for several months and we got to see my brother and his daughter the first couple weeks while his bride was away. We have never been invited to their house, and after one month of us living here we had them over for dinner. My daughter and theirs go to the same school, and it is sad that that is the only time we see eachother. I don't want to disconnect from my only sibling and neice, but how do I get the point across with out him getting mad. His wife (I think) must be a very good manipulater because he always says it is our imagination. She doesn't have a problem with us. Something that just recently happened....My mom had surgery, and she NEVER called to say how are you, do you need anything? How inconsiderate can people be with family and how do we make this better. Am I dreaming, or is there hope.......PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
You are expecting orange juice from a lemon. She showed her true colors before the wedding. So don’t meddle.
Since your brother does not agree with your assessment, show him. Set up a scene like a family dinner, ask her to help in the kitchen. When her radar is off, ask about the platter. "Did you like it?" And watch the fire works. Make sure a video camera is hidden and rolling. Later, show the feature to your brother and ask him how much imagination he has.
As far as the Mom/hospital/surgery thing…when did you not realize she is selfish and inconsiderate?
People grow a part. Yes siblings to. Sounds like his wife is set in keeping him a way from you and your family. Not much you can do until he comes around or she goes away.
Well, part of it may be your imagination. Sorry, but that is something you have to be willing to face. A lot of how we act to our spouses’s family has to do with how we were raised within our own families. every family is different. Maybe in her family, you do not call if someone has surgery. Maybe it is understood that if they need something, they know you will do it and will call you. Sorry, but it sounds like you have never really tried to look at anything from her point of view and you flat out say that you told her off. How friendly did you expect her to be to you after that? Relationships with inlaws can be very hard. The best I can advise is to sit down and talk to her–JUST you and her, no mom, no brother–and ask her about it in a friendly, non confrontational manner. You have to be willing to get to the heart of the matter if you want things to get better. You can not think she will just up and change, because she probably feels the same way–except she thinks its just you guys who don’t like HER. Good luck.
You are expecting your s-i-l to behave like you and your family. She is different, not all people do as your family do.
Give her a break, not everything in life is tit for tat. She was unkindf to your mother about the platter – granted -but she was upset that you weren;t aware of her special platter from her own grandmother.
You’re probably as bad as each other. Stop keeping a list of greivances – start afresh.
Don;t be as formal as dinner – invite her for coffee, invite yourself around to her place for coffee when it suits her.
Be kind to your sibling and neice.
Just relax a little and accept that not everyone will be like your own family.
she sounds selfish and won’t change… she doesn’t want to share the attention of her husband your brother and the attention of her mother in law which is his mom…she doesn’t want to share…and he doesn’t know what to do…is pulled between his wife and you guys…good luck
lets be honest you hate her, your mum hates her, she hates you and your mum, but you all love your bother! wow this must be so hard for him, im feeling sorry for him, as he is the important one in this why cant you try to understand that he married her as his choice and accept that she is his wife and she comes first, that’s not going to change either, ok i feel for your mum but because of this she doesn’t get to see her son so…onto solution…over years we all change and hopefully grow, cant you be the one to just go with it for every ones sake? its ok if you need to throw up after family gatherings but while your all together grit your teeth and show your brother unity for his sake and your mums, its gonna be hard, but your the good guy right!!!!!!
my heart goes out to you and your mum.. please .. just tape her .. when you talk to her .. then play the tape back to you brother .. when she not around … then he will see it .. for him self.. good luck ..
I think personally that she is self centered on her family. If it has nothing to do with her, her child, or her side of the family then it’s not right. Sit down with your brother one on one over lunch and explain what is going on. If you show him in the long run that it is effecting your relationship then he will see the damage better.
This happened with me and a family member very close to me. I had to sit down and after he saw how it hurt me things started to change. He finally stood up to his wife and we speak more and see more of him. It has also helped out their marriage because he voices his opinion more.
Ignore all the petty crap she does. Focus on your life and your relationship with your brother. Keep inviting them over and have play dates for your daughter and niece. By not making the attempts to maintain those relationships, you are allowing her to control the situation. Take control of your life and don’t worry about what she does. Obviously she has issues that she needs to deal with. Good Luck!