Dividing chores from allowance?
My Boomer Tips
I asked this earlier, but did it so late...wanted to get a few more opinions on it:
So my 9 year old is asking about an allowance. I was just given one as a child, but I really want him to learn how to work for and manage money, so I want him to earn his allowance. He also doesn't have any chores except to put away his school things etc but no specific chores in the household. He's terribly forgetful and although he has the best intentions, mess up often. So should he get punished if he doesn't do his chores? No tv? I don't want to tie money to his chores specifically.
Someone suggested a chore chart, which I think is great. He gets a star when the chore is completed, but I don't really want to reward him for doing what he should anyway. Should I coach him through it for the first few weeks and then let him take over gradually? I'm really undecided about it and guess that's the reason I've procrastinated with him helping out. Besides the fact, I feel I'll have to monitor him and it'll be quicker and easier to just do it myself.
I'm looking to change that. I want to separate chores (free due to obligation) activities from "work" or earned activities. I'm not sure what earned activities he should have because everything we seem to do around here is for the common good. We take care of his grandmother, but I refuse to "pay" him to do anything for her. I can't pay him for folding his own clothes it's his responsibility, if you get my meaning.
He has these math sets he does or doesn't want to do (a bit like going to work). He's supposed to do them anyway, but oftentimes between homework, projects and dinner it doesn't get done. I was thinking of giving him a dollar a set- per set. In addition, I want to teach him about saving and charity etc. but I'm not sure what the allotment should be for each thing. Like how much do you put aside to give to charity/church out of . How much should he put aside for Christmas presents (long term savings) and how much for short term things like video games.
I was also thinking of giving him a bank book to work out his money etc and myself serving as a bank. If he "borrows" money, how much should I charge in interest? And should he be able to work it off? or should it all be cash? When I say charge interest, the point is for him to learn to really think about whether a nintendo game is worth "borrowing" from his own bank for - of course, I'm not going to keep any interest that's charged, I'll just put it into his account at the end of the year as, I dunno, interest earned. I have a friend whose parents did that with him from about 10 until he left the house. It seemed really harsh to me in high school because he only got clothes or gifts or anything on Christmas and his birthday. His parents would give him like 2 pairs of shoes for the year, if they were "uncool" and he wanted a different pair or even more shoes, he would have to borrow or take his own money and save to buy them!! By 13, he was buying almost all clothes except for 7 pants, 7 t-shirts for school - thats all his parents bought so he had to buy ALL his clothes himself!!
But when we were in college he knew exactly how much he had in the bank to the penny, paid every bill on time, knew exactly when he would pay off every cc charge and was never a "starving" student simply because he knew how to ration his money perfectly. I don't think I can ever be that harsh, but I want to instill that type of financial awareness.
Wow this ended up long:
Not sure how to negotiate this.
Appreciate all input.
Does he get in trouble if he doesn't complete chores then? What is reasonable? NoTV that evening? or losing Nintendo for the night?
Thanks Caroline - I like the idea of having the envelopes too. Is your daughter punished for not doing chores or leaving something undone?
Gracious. Yes, use a chore chart and don’t tie allowance to chores. But, if he wants to earn money for something in particular, he can do extra chores, like washing windows or sweeping the garage or something. I’d give him $5 a week to start as allowance, but I’d give it to him in $1 bills. Of the weekly allowance amount, I’d give him an envelope for charity, an envelope for Christmas presents, and an envelope for "discretionary" or short term. Each week he should put $1 in the charity envelope, $1 in the Christmas envelope, and the rest in discretionary. I think you ought to hold on to the envelopes…Let him see the money increasing each week as that can be very rewarding. I think he’s kind of young to talk about earning interest so I wouldn’t get into that yet. He can take from his discretionary envelope when he wants to buy a video game or whatever. Hope that helps somewhat and good luck.
To answer your subsequent questions, I think at first you need to do the chores with him and show him exactly how you want it done and what you expect, standards wise. I also think if he doesn’t complete them, then he needs to go back and complete them!! (and yes, no TV, etc. until they’re done). Nothing makes a kid do a good job better than having to do it until Mom is satisfied, haha. This will of course be a giant pain in the behind for you at first, but you have to remember that you are teaching him life lessons (how to clean, how to take pride in your work, how to follow instructions, how to save money, etc.) which are way more important than punishments for slapdash work. He won’t learn much by punishment; he will learn much more from repetition.
You should never tie punishment in to chores. Punishment does not motivate kids, however profit does. I would tie chores in to allowance and say that, if they do the chores they need to do for the week, they’ll get 10$ at the end of the week. I would agree with 5, except that because of the times, 5$ isn’t worth much anymore. I just fined that punishment often gives children the idea that they should only do things because of fear, instead of because of wanting to do them. If that happens, it can lead to violent tendencies in children, which is NOT good. Never let a child "borrow money" because that WILL lead to you eventually forgetting, and him getting around it. Such things lead to the idea that it’s not necessary to pay off debt, which is VERY bad.
My thing about allowance is I feel a child shouldn’t get paid for doing something he/she is suppose to do.
A family shares a home together. We all eat creating dirty plates, we all wear clothes creating laundry, we all track dirt into the home & so on.
So basic chores like – cleaning your room, helping with laundry, helping with dishes, taking out trash & so on are all family related chores. They are expected to be done.
A family lives together, we help each other & we support each other. No one should get paid for that.
But a child/teen also need to learn how to earn and work for money. That is where EXTRA chores come in. Like helping clean out a closet, helping dad clean out the garage, helping organize the kitchen & so on. These are extra jobs not normally done around the house on a weekly bases. That is real work, takes effort and takes a lot of time. That is when payment is a reward.
When a child grows up and moves out of hte home no one is going to pay them to clean their room or do the dishes. But if they grow up in a home learning it is expected & not rewarded with cash it becomes a life long habit.
I grew up spoiled. My mom paided me for everything from eating a few bites of Green beans to cleaning my room. When I got married at 18 I was going to be a stay at home wife. I knew very little about chores. But I did know if I did them I expected to get paid.
So picture my poor husband reaction when I asked him how much he’d pay me to clean & do laundry? lol The poor man.
It took me a long time to get past the bad habits my mom taught me. I felt if I did something like dishes I HAD to get something out of it.
A family lives together, we help each other, we support each other and we shouldn’t get paid for doing that.
As for punishments for not doing chores. I’m not big on punishments for not cleaning their rooms or things like that. But, the rule is simple – NO COMPUTER, NO WII & NO FUN until the room is clean. The rule speaks for itself.
Another thing about allowance is kids will often say things like "Well (friends name) get more money then me." or "Why do I only get $10 a week when (older sibling) gets more for doing the same chores?" The money seems more important than the work itself.
Early on I taught my kids to help out and I showed them hope much it did help me. Once when my son was only about 4 I went to brush my teeth and shut the door so I could use the restroom too. He was laying on my bed waiting for me (he’s a moms boy). Anyway, when I came back out he had made my bed for me. I didn’t ask for him to do and yes I was to lazy to do it myself. But I praised him over & over again for it. Told him how nice it was that he would help me. I bragged to daddy about it. The praise for that simple chores was worth way more than money.
Even now at times at age 9 he’ll surprise me by doing a chores that isn’t even his. Awhile back he & his sister unloaded the dish washer by themselves. That is usually my 14yr olds job on week days since it can have knives & other breakables. My husband was shocked and surprised to see it done & surprised the kids did it without asking. Again the praise and their dad being thankful was worth more than money.
A chore chart is your best bet. If he sees something in a store that he really wants then have him do extra chores so he can earn that himself.
Pay him for the chores, but make them something he would not do normally, and something he can’t mess up to badly, or won’t bring down the house if he forgets.
Maybe he can sweep the kitchen twice a week, on set days. If he forgets, he can do it the next day, or you can remind him the same day. It’s not too easy to mess up sweeping, it’s not something he would do anyways, so he’s earning the money that way, and if he forgets, nobody is really going to suffer much.
If you want to give him $7 a week, make it 3.50 for each time he sweeps. If he misses one sweep, he only gets half the allowance. That will probably help him remember, once he gets only half an allowance once or twice.
I love the idea about you being the bank, too. Let him decide on a weekly basis how much he wants to go to charity, with the catch being that it has to be at least $0.50, but no more than $3.00. This way it’s his choice. Work with him to come up with a plan for Christmas saving, just make sure he agrees to enough that it will equal enough, by the end of the year, to actually let him get something for people.