Can someone proofread my personal essay for Common App?
My Boomer Tips
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
I attribute my success to many people in my life. However, none of them stand out from the crowd more than my mother does. She is the person who has had the greatest impact on me. Without her help, I wouldn’t be where I am today, ready to receive the best education that I could ever have.
When I was a child, my mother divorced my father, and I moved in with her to my grandmother’s house because she could afford to take care of me. She worked two jobs so that I could attend a private, bilingual school. She wanted me to have a better education. Although I didn’t see my mother very often because of her tight schedule, she was my role model: her hard work, perseverance, and determination could be seen in my hard work in school. My mom’s efforts compelled me to work hard and strive to be as good as her. Her efforts completely changed who I was. I went from an awkward, shy boy, to a more social, responsible, and well-rounded student. My mother was always there when I most needed her. She taught me that something good can come out of every tough situation and that all I have to do is look for it.
As the years went by, I saw my mother suffer and go the extra mile for me. It pained me to see her go beyond the call of duty to provide me the things I needed. In late 2008, thanks to our family and life’s circumstances, my mother met my step-father. After their marriage, we moved from Honduras to the United States. Thanks to this unexpected gift that God bestowed upon us, I will able to fulfill my lifelong dream of attending college in the United States. I will be able to show my mother that her efforts were not in vain and that I can be as good as I can be. It’s time for me to repay the favor and to show her how much I love and respect her. My mother expects great things from me, and I know that I can exceed those expectations with her unconditional, everlasting love and support that never ceases to amaze me.
Thanks in advance!
Seems fine. I would rewrite the second paradraph as follows:
I attribute my success to many people in my life. However, none of them stand out from the crowd more than my mother. She alone is the person who has had the greatest influence on my life. Without her help, I wouldn’t be where I am today, ready to receive the best education that I could ever have.
Just a suggestion.